Marathon Training

ow To Win Friends and Influence People round one.

After a week of reading bits and pieces of this book I went to the meeting ready to spring into action and put my new found skills to work. Would you believe that it actually worked? Incredible.

I approached a brother and said, "You know I hear that you've run marathons. That's really impressive. Someday I hope that I'll be able to do something like that."

Brother, "Wow! Let's start training this Saturday!"

So this Saturday I'm running with him, not that I want to, not that I look forward to it, but I kind of started this whole thing and I have to see it through. I fully understand that it means putting myself out a bit. And I'm prepared for that.

I fully intend to start showing love to people, witnesses and others. I fully intend to start being charitable and kind.

My objective in all this is not to wield influence over people. No, it's to be a Christian. Because I need to me. Because it's the best way of life.

peanuts _ love

My legs are aching and my wrists feel tight and my arms have a feint red blotch snaking up them.

On the way to work I saw two perfect rainbows in the sky framing the petroleum processing plants wheezing smoke. The oxymoronic nature of it was hysterical. The creation's of God vs the creation's of Man. I needn't state who won this little competition. Despite it all it's things like that keep me believing. Yeah, despite it all.

Some bad chinese food landed me in the hospital briefly yesterday ---> peanuts ---> again. I was driving when it hit me so I stopped in a fire house and asked for a lift to the hospital. They called an ambulance and started working me over with underused, atrophying first aid skills. My left arm was doused with blood when they tried to give me a drip line. The ambulance came and loaded me up on a stretcher and I couldn't help but to laugh about it. Well I would've laughed if my throat wasn't collapsing in on itself and my lungs were struggling to draw breath. But I looked at the paramedic and said, "This feels like overkill."

Cheers to men at the fire house though for giving it a good shot. Jeers to the nurse that told my wife, "Your husband shouldn't eat any more peanuts." Really?

I was sleepy because of the benydril so I napped and woke and played video games and then slept then woke with a song in my head. I went down to my now barren studio and hooked up a mic and quietly sung the melody and the words. It was one in the morning. I've written a lot of songs about a lot of girls but this is the first time I wrote a song to my wife. I asked her how she would feel singing a song about herself.

I feel a change coming on with me. My personality is changing so rapidly I don't know who I am anymore. But I feel so much love. Weird. Strange. I don't know when I quit loving. My mom claims it was when I was nine years old. But my (g)od it's been a while. It truely has. I could cry. I just want to curl up in the fetal position and just wallow in the goodness of it all.

Today I'm glad to be alive. Whatever life amounts to I'm glad to be experiencing it.

facelift

Please excuse the mess while I give my web-site a facelift. (I searched long and hard for an animated .gif of a jackhammer but couldn't find a stylish one.)

If you'll look in the corner there is a picture of me with my daughter, "blanket". When we go out in public I make her wear a dinosaur mask to protect her anonymity. It was a placeholder image but it has kind of grown on me.

The background image in the bottom and lower bars is of cherry blossoms. I went through a floral phase and I think I'm back in into it. I'm also back into pink.

I ditched the serifs. I'm really not going for readability so much as style.

I'm fighting against clutter. My life is so messy right now I want my blog to be somewhat pure. Distilled.

And it's true. Sadly, it's true what you've heard about me. As much as I hate to admit it, I am reading a book entitled How To Win Friends & Influence People.

But let me tell you. I value each and everyone of you. You make my life so much better. Even those of you who I just read about and haven't yet met.

Mina - Because her creativity is incredible, her intelligence limitless.
Rebekah - Because she keeps me in line and provides unconditional love and support.
Amanda - For being interesting and really talented, you make we want to get skills.
Tom - Thanks for always saying hello to me everytime.
Ryan - For helping me rediscover making music.
Brandon - For playing music with me. Your songwriting skills are awesome.
Steve - For giving me a good job and keeping me busy with interesting stuff.
Katie - For always having a smile.
Alicia - Her strength of character continues to touch me even after she's gone.
Casey - My cohort for untold projects over the years. Your attention to detail is admirable.
Derek - Your personality is enjoyable and your long, long fuse is amazing.
Hiromi - Your superb painting and web design ability is only matched by your thoughtfulness.
Reed & Janna - Your hospitality and friendliness still makes me smile.
Jason - For being an object lesson in how to be personable.
Carol - You went beyond doing your job and planted a seed that continues to grow.
Kim - Thanks for attempting to lift me out of a hole at the expense of your own wellbeing.

I'm gonna truncate this because I need to go back to work so if you didn't get mentioned don't feel bad. I'll get to you eventually.

rubbed raw

Yesterday I got the bright idea that I would try to clean my face. I mean CLEAN my face - - not just splash water on it and call it a day as per my normal morning ritual. I grabbed something that said Neutrogena Scrub out of the bathroom and set to work. However, the product in question was a body wash not a face cleanser and it although it said "scrub" it did not mean "scrub." But I didn't read it closely. No I charged head first into the wash basin and begin giving my face a real work out. The after effect was a kin to sandpaper on my nose. I'm sporting a mighty scab on it this morning. Just call me Lady Elaine Fairchild.

So I've been down ---> Y'know, life is constant peaks and valleys. Used to be the valleys were more numerous than the peaks but my situation improved and it was all up and up and up and up and skyward bound. But now I bottomed out. I know I have. I'm sad for no reason. No reason at all. Or am I?

Truth be told the band was the only thing keeping me moving. It gave me something to shoot for, look forward to, feel proud of. It was inevitable, Brandon's sister moved back into town and they are going to be doing their own thing again. I really can't fault him. If my sister moved back I would drop 6a2 in a heart-beat. But he dumped me. We're still going to finish the album, but he's coming over to load up his half of the equipment and that's, well, that's that. So if you missed our show. You missed out. Ha. I'll be like the divorcee looking around at my half-empty studio and wondering what went wrong. Yes, half-empty, not half-full.

But the truth is -- well the simple truth is -- well the fact of the matter is, I can't exist unless I'm creating. My happiness is linked with my creativity and unless I 'm moving on with something than I'm down and out and down for the count. Maybe that is why my Dial years were so bad. I wasn't doing anything but playing robot in a warehouse. I wasn't making anything but money and money can't buy happiness.


Anthony

abcde_ghijklmnopqrstuvwxy

My So-Called Life

My life. Lately I've been spending a goodly portion of it lamenting about my age. I need to try not to think about it.

The band is on a two week hiatus or something.

My novel draft is back in my hands after my sister had it for a while. I'm removed from it far enough that I can begin to edit it with a fresh mind. But before I do I need to read some history books dealing with similar themes. I will say this. The book needs to be streamlined so that everything is firing at once and moving along. It needs to move at the beginning and slow down at the end. It's too leisurely at the beginning and the end rushes. I need to make the themes pop out. This is not a story. It's an essay. An essay on addiction and faith (or the lack thereof) and life and endings (or the lack thereof).

game-day

Just mowed my grass - a hassle of homeownership to be sure. I can no longer ignore the brown grass in my yard. I'm gonna have to go old-man on it and seed and weed and thatch and edge. No fun but at least my yard'll have a Christian appearance.

Last night I really wanted a martini. Problem no gin, no vermouth, no money to buy either - - I settled for a 24oz can of Bud from the corner gas station. It even came with a hobo bag to carry it in. Well the beer led to another craving so I ordered a pizza. satisfied I went to bed around Midnight.

This Iraq situation is growing worse by the minute. Are we far off from a draft? It's times like this were I'm thankful for my asthmatic old body racked with scoliosis.

We practised our set three times through. It's clocking in a 3-minutes without witty in-between song banter and extended tunings. We've never played through perfectly so at this point I'm just gonna settle for no major mess-ups.

*** Spoilers ***


ATMOS - A good opener because I can use the "train" intro from the CD. Not really a 6a2 song. It was a song that Rebekah and I had for another endeavor that just sort turned into a 6a2 song. After this show I'm taking it back.

Conclusion - Good on the CD because of the chorus harmony. Live it's kind of sloppy. I have a hard time with the rythym. I don't like Brandons vox.

Dial Tone - Nice. When we hit this one it works. When we are off it's still decent.

Athens - Better than the recorded version. The guitar is so big. The bass grooves. The drums kick. And the synth is a massive dance anthem generator. Brandon's got vocal duties on this one. I wish I could've done it, but I'm doing good to play that loopy riff without screw up.

Dividing Sight - A simple little song that takes it down a notch. A nice change of pace. The whole song hinges on my last guitar lead. So when I do it right (40% of the time) it works.

Mr. Tough Guy - A new song that we haven't recorded yet. I talked Brandon into us playing it and I'm glad. It's a frenzy of rawk. Erin and Rebekah trade on the vocals. It's wild. The only fault is that sometimes we play so loud that it becomes hard to hear the beat and we lose our place. - ouch.

Forgive Forget - This song has improved considerably. It's 80's synth-pop blended with Avril Lavigne. Our most poppy - it soars! Brandon and Erin has this ridiculous dance during it. I've never seen it because I'll start laughing and lose my place.

[Cover Song] - Still keeping it a secret because I want my sister to be surprised when she hears it. I think we may have tried to play it over the years but never pulled it off. It's turning out. We haven't practised it as much. But it is the cover and cover usually sound sloppy and half-arsed. We're better than that. It's a huge closer.

House of Thai

I'm sitting in my house smelling ginger and curry, the remains of an earlier cooking disaster. For every four recipes I attempt, one is doomed to failure. Tonight a Thai inspired noodle dish fell short of looking like the picture - it had such promise. Really with ingredients like canned coconut milk how could I have possibly gone wrong.

Nirvana's been on quite a bit of programming this week. It's pretty wild that I know the lyrics to all the songs despite not being a Nirvana fan, or even owning a Nirvana CD. I think it was because of my friend's taste in music. When we were teens, Lee Michael played Nirvana - constantly. He had ten cassettes of Nirvana songs sequenced alphabetically. He used to play the drums on his dash and steering wheel while driving around listening to Smells Like Teen Spirit. Mike really loved Nirvana. In fact he once ran away and began camping out under a bridge because he had read that Kurt Cobain did that at some point in his life. Maybe that's why he started doing drugs as well.

I really wish Kurt hadn't killed himself. I know he would have totally sold out by now and it would've been so much fun to watch the people who worshipped him have their faith crushed.

I thought of a great super-minimalist redesign for the 6a2 sight in proper. Perhaps I'll throw it up after the show. Speaking of throwing up . . .

spring forward

It's 10:30 pm and I should be asleep but I'm still in fall back mode.

Saturday was interesting. We ended up dropping Mina off at Leah's and went to go see Bi-Level at The Pageant. We got in free because Brandon had been given something like 100 tickets to give away.

Bi-Level did their thing which is listenable but not my style. They are pretty talented. I'm so envious of people that can dance around the stage with their guitars without messing up. Bi-Level finished up and the second band came on with some fossilized bass player and a lead singer who dropped an f-bomb every other word in an attempt to be hard. The pit vacated quickly save for the bandmember's wives who started doing some boot-scootin' redneck bar dancing. That was our signal to leave. So we walked down the street for drinks and late night snacks at Blueberry Hill.

Afterward we bid the group farewell and went record shopping. Rebekah got a couple of pieces of new vinyl in anticipation of the record player Nathan is giving her. I found a couple of reasonably priced CD's: Mary Lou Lord and Blonde Redhead's new ones. Blonde Redhead is really listenable to me right now.

On the way back to our car we ducked back into the Pageant to catch the last group, Fourty 'Til Five. They were a hip-hop Eminem cover band that had their own material. By that I mean you could close your eyes and swear you were listening unreleased Marshall Mathers. They had the crowd bumping and grinding which at that time of the night the punk rockers had left and the joint was filled with Frat Boys and faux-hipsters. We hung out, sobered up a bit, and then drove home.

It was so late . . . When did we sleep 2:00 am ? 3:00 am? Time changes are throwing me off.

I woke up Sunday and we made breakfast. It's some Jaime Oliver recipe where you basically toss a bunch of items (sausage, tomatoes, eggs, mushrooms) into a pan and fry them all together. Good stuff.

Spent part of the day (a really, really large part) programming the drums for the secret cover song. It's incredibably difficult trying to duplicate a real drummer. I know I've got some mess-up's but it's pretty close. I'll mask my errors under a 808 kit or something. But it's ready. Two more practices before the show - - help!

We went to the memorial. We didn't get invited out to eat - again. I know it's not supposed to be a social event but it is and so getting left out of the festivities is not fun - not fun at all. It was all Taco Bell for us . . . Taco Bell and the sad life of a B-List Witness.

tired

I came into work late today - real late. Rebekah and I did the radio show last night which was a weird, awkward experience. I hope no one taped it for posterity - because - because I'm not good at talking and I'm sure I came across like a fool - or worse. But I'm pretty tired.

I bought a new toy, an electro-harmonix Double Muff guitar pedal. I've been looking for a distortion/overdrive pedal for a little while. I couldn't decide between a Big Muff or a Proco Rat. This unit falls somewhere in between. I'm really enjoying it.

Oh yeah, one more thing, I think we decided on a cover song . . . I'll leave it as surprise for the April 10th show.

I fought in a war

Friday band practise was incredible. We ran through the set and then dove into building Brandon's new one Tough Guy. This was made to do live. Brandon wrote the guitar part so it has a punk rock edge to it - but it gets tempered by the synth. We all added something to it. Rebekah does these nice harmonies to Brandon's vocals. Erin (our utility player) is absolutely, vicious for the chorus. I requested a cheerleader-esque clap, chant breakdown (shades of Toni Basil). The whole package is pretty much overwhelming. So even if people want to carrying on during the rest of the set they will not be able to ignore this one.

This week on the band front we have more practise and Wednesday night (actually Thursday morning) we're going to be making an appearance on KDHX's Deep Trance show. Shhhh. Don't tell them that we aren't trance.

Saturday - Anthony vs. the toilet round 3 (?) . . . 4 (?).

I'm starting to lose count. If you'll recall I fixed the leak in my toilet and considered it case closed until three days later is started to overflow. I went to tighten the toilet bolts and screwed it up again. The problem is that my soil pipe is lower than the floor so I had to rig it with more extensions than a ghetto salon That turned out to be a bad move. So anyway, I lost my patience and my mind and came within inches of calling out a plumber. Keeping in my that it was a Saturday night I was ready to blow my tax refund on an emergency weekend call out. But then I figured out a better way to rig it and so now it works again. I'm optimistic that this'll be the last time but who am I?

Casey and Robyn were supposed to come over but I cancelled because of the toilet. It's hard to entertain people when they have to drive down the road to use the facilities at McDonald's. After I got the toilet fixed, Rebekah and I went out to eat and then took in a movie - Jersey Girl. The ending was one cliche after another but it was more or less enjoyable.

Sunday - Went to the meeting. The brother was giving the, "God's View of Sex in Marraige" talk. He was pretty balanced and it was much better than I've heard in the past. We went to Home Depot to price cabinets to see if we couldn't come closer to finishing the kitchen. Casey and Robyn came by after their assembly. We took them out to eat Messican. It was good, clean, fun.

just some stuff that happened

We had band practise last night - Everything is sounding so full and loud and wonderful. We are tightening up and projecting a great big wall of pop. To quote Pizzicato Five, "Catchy, catchy, catchy, catchy."

We tried to learn two new songs:

a.) "Forgive/Forget" - This song is pure, unadulterated pop rock. A sweet garage version of Avril or Mandy. A great big piece of candy (or crack). We will end on this one and leave them wanting more.

b.) "Nuclear Winter" - On tape this is our most involved synth piece. I really like it and had hoped that we could work in into the set but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. It is just too complicated to pull off without resorting to prerecorded DAT pieces or bringing the laptop on stage - and that aint gonna happen. So this song was ex'd.

--

I also had one of those life altering revelations. Y'know where you are forced to chuck out the whole paradigm that defined you up to that point. It's kind of scary. For years you have this comfortable nest of your own ideology. This is who I am. This is what I believe. The nest is occasionally shaped and it grows and it changes as you get older. But sometimes the winds come and your nest is destroyed and you are left looking at the pieces and trying to figure out how, or if, it can go back together.

I'm reminded of the Japanese after they had lost World War II. It was an unthinkable thing that their divine emporer could fail them. Their sense of identity was crushed.

At first I felt kind of bothered but now I actually feel empowered. What do you do with the knowledge? Do you use it as an excuse or a stepping stone? I'm using it as an excuse to build a better nest.

Mr. Toughguy

Spinning . . . This weekend was a waste . . . a wash . . . My "blah" attitude from the previous week carried over into the weekend. Bummer.

Saturday I fought to redo the toilet in our house. It started leaking again. I cursed and I kicked and I bought wax rings and then tried some fancy gadget until eventually it dindn't leak. So the bathroom is safe. But for how long?

I did have enough time to go over to The Red Spoon coffee house in Alton, IL to see my cousin's band, Yorktown Heroes play a set. I've been meaning to get over and see them for a while. The music wasn't might cup of tea but they were spirited and listenable. The highlight of the night was a girl in an 80's prom-dress that was bore an uncanny resemblance to Molly Ringwald.

Sunday Brandon came over after the meeting. He's been sitting on what he feels is a hit song. I finally told him to come over so that we could figure it out because we need all the good songs we can get for the live show. It's call Mr. Toughguy and the chorus is, "Go . . . Mr. . . . Tough . . . Guy!". It looks ridiculous on paper but on tape it's pretty good.

We're scheduled for a radio show this Wednesday from 12:00am to 2:00am. I really want to do it because I know it'll help get people to come to the show but there is a huge sleep issue.

. . .

ignorance is bliss

i'm a victim of the information age

where I live

I did my taxes last night. What a mess! The US should just levy a set percentage on your income and ditch the maze of deductions and credits.

I just read this comforting thought about asthma and metropoliton areas. It's nice to know that I'm living in one of the worst areas for my condition. I really would like to move but I can't quit this job so more and more I live for the day I'll get fired.

This 19-year old male intern just pitched me because I wasn't wearing green. What is this? Grade school?

I impulse bought a new toothbrush. I'm giving it huge thumbs up. I've reduced the effort it takes to brush my teeth in the morning by half - - and my teeth have never looked better. Score.

Prejiduce

I really want to have acupuncture done on me. Not for any particular reason - just to try new things. Well there are dozens of people doing it in the area; but I want it done proper. I don't want some ex-hippy jabbing me with needles because he's into alterna-health. I don't want some balding chiropractor sticking me because it's the trendy thing to do.

Give it to me hardcore.

I want some old oriental man to stick me with needles. He should have a milky eye and give me a complimentary mogwai with each visit. He should liberally use words like chi while expounding the aphrodisiac qualities of ground rhino horn. After he turns me into a pin cushion he should yank some chicken guts out of me and call it diseased tissue.

Give it to me hardcore.

- -

We had practise last night. We developed Athens Circa '99 for our live show. It has taken on a groovy new life - dance floor anthem.

Electric Connection

It's time for more my long-winded weekend recap. We'll start up with Friday evening--

Mina is closing in on the conclusion of My Side of the Mountain so we planned to go to Borders and pick up her next bedtime chapter book. Each time we finish a book it becomes more and more difficult to find something suitable to read to her. We have already exhausted the Little House, Ramona Quimby, and Judy Moody series. So it's a lot of leafing through the bookshelfs and pulling out books based on the cover. But then you flip them over and they are summarised as:

"Janette is a thirteen year old going through a rough time. Her mother has just died of AIDS leaving her with her alcoholic, verbally abusive father. But one day she meets a homeless, heroine addict searching for his lost kitten. Janette knows her life is about the change . . . but for the better?"


or

"Paul and Lydia wake up one day and they are magically transported to the lost Kingdom of Baal ruled by the evil Sorcerer Lucifer. Together with their new friends an egnimatic troll named Beezlebub and faerie Ashtoreth they set out to free the kingdom from the evil spell put upon it."


Saturday my father came over and was helping me install a new electrical service in my house. Working with electricity scares me. My dad doesn't instill me with a lot of confidence. As he's hooking it up some high-voltage wire he says, "Now if I get caught up in this don't touch me. Get a pole and knock me loose." We got the new service up but our basement is a mess of hanging wires. Room by room I'm going to go through and sort it out and rewire as neccesary. The spring home improvement season has started in earnest.

Saturday night was Ben and Nicki's wedding. They had a pretty nice reception. The decorations were pretty sharp. Each table sported a glass bowl and a blood-red beta fish. Inevitably as the night progressed and the kegs were drained we would pair up the fish for fights. The highlight of the night was seeing some of the older ones in the congregation dancing to Ice Ice Baby - - classic. I'll dance without drinking. When I drink I get sociable. So I relish these occasions. I washed down two paxils with some dodgy macrobrewed beer and worked the room.

I talked to this kid who is working on starting Spanish congregations in the area. He was telling me there was a real need for brothers in the groups and congregations. Since the Mexicans are illegal immigrants they can't get privaleges in the congregation. So I briefly considered what he had to say. It may be my only shot at getting appointed.

I talked to Sam Grey who looks and talks just like Quintan Tarantino. He is basically the only one from St. Louis who missed getting disfellowshipped. He is a pretty cool guy.

During the night we (Rebekah and I) had noticed this girl's hair. It had some nice streaks and was styled nicely. So later on I thought it might be a nice idea to compliment her.

"Nice hair."

"Is that sarcasm?" She snaps back.

And then I went back into my shell - Recoil.

Sunday we went to the meeting. Went to Quizno's - They've got a pepper bar. Went home and watched School of Rock. I'm not a Jack Black fan but the movie was fun.

. . .

Early Morning Madness

I've got my morning routine pretty much down these days. Wake up (the obvious step 1) and role out of bed before jumping in the shower. I will shower for however long it takes to wake up. Sometimes I find that I'm dazing in and out of sleep while standing in the shower. Sometimes I'll talk to myself. Awakened, I get out and fix (for lack of better term) my hair, shave, and then dash off to work usually forgetting something -- money, my wallet, my phone. At work I make coffee and check my e-mail. I'll delete approximately three e-mails offering penis or breast enlargement, five e-mails from my virus software saying they've blocked the Sven virus, and a couple e-mails so garbled in an effort to avoid the wrath of spam blocker that they can't be read. And then I drink my coffee. The first time each morning when I bring the cup up to my mouth and I inhale the aroma I'm reminded of Super Sugar Crisp cereal.

And sometimes in and around this early morning routine I'll have leaps of creativity which border on insanity. This morning in the shower I was considering the angels and what form they must take in their natural abode. I thought on it and then surmized that they should look like single-cell organisms. The single-cell angels would lack mitochondria and couldn't exist independent from a power source for long. This would create a clear succession of life from the beginning (angels) to the end (man). Each creation being a prototype for the next. It sounds like evolution but at each end of the chain you have very complex beings. - - So I'm not saying that this is true. I'm simply saying that sometimes in the morning I have some pretty crazy thoughts. How fitting that I should talk to myself!

--

Snack night was pretty good if a little too heavy on the desserts. That Indian-spiced chicken I brought was insanely hot; but the yogurt based dip cooled it enough to make it palatable. I was happy with it but it was exhaustive to make. Sometimes I think that Bon Apetit adds unnecessary steps to their recipes to make them seem more impressive.

I'm a Chick Magnet

Last night we had a productive practise. We learned two songs and practised the two that we learned last week bringing the total up to four. I'm pleased with the progress considering the coordination involved with all the instruments.

Tonight we are having "snack-night" at the Book Study as a send-off to the book we are finishing. (As a side note: Perhaps there would be better attendance if we renamed them "book club".) Of course I have to go overboard with snack night. I think because Rebekah and I don't entertain I don't have the opportunity to cook for anyone I seize these opportunities. So tonight I'm doing Indian-spiced chicken kebobs with cilantro chutney garnished with english cucumber, lime, and Boston bibb lettuce. If the food sucks at least the name is impressive. (Mental Note: Make name card to decorate dish.)

So I went shopping late last night for the ingredients to make the aforementioned dish. While in the produce section I was approached yet again by a *middle-aged foreign woman. She comes walking up to me with some sort of a weird squash and asking me what it was. To which I could only shrug and say, "I'm sorry." (Note to Single People: Hang out in a supermarket produce section.)

Seeing Bands

I go through phases. Sometimes I'm in an indie cinema phase and every weekend I'm driving to the Tivoli to check out the latest. I guess now I'm in a band phase and going out to see shows. And not because all my favorites happen to be touring or something. I find myself just going - to go - or something. This weekend I made two attempts to see Polarized Mind play. I had asked them to play with us on 4-10 and I was curious about their live show.

Attempt 1: Brandon and I drove all the way out to Festus, MO to a joint called the Local Scene. We got there and found that the show was cancelled as the club had been closed by the police earlier that evening. So I guess it wasn't a place we would want to be at anyway so perhaps it was good thing that it was shuttered. On the way back home we stopped by The Ground Floor to see if anything was going on.

We walked in and this band was just setting up. They looked really cool. They had all this vintage equipment and a tone of synthesizers on the stage. However, from the first notes of the first song Brandon and I had one thought, "Radiohead". This band didn't so much play the synthesizers as they used them to make noise while the lead singer crooned over a fractured guitar. It was like a bad radiohead cover band that played their own material.

Attempt 2: Mina was at the Grandparents so Rebekah and I drove out to Wentzville to try to see Polarized Mind at a venue called the "Midwest Music Pit". Before hand we stopped off at Seki to get dinner. While we were sitting there eating a couple walks in, the lady looks something like Nelle Carter says, "What is this? Chineese?" The little Japanese server says, "No, japanese". The lady huffs, "Ah na. I can't do that sh - -." and turns around and walks out.

So we got to the Midwest Music Pit which is so bleedingly hoosier that it was unbearable. I'm talking twelve year olds in tube tops smoking cigarettes, trashy. Band member's mothers flashing devil signs and moshing, trashy. The first two bands were very metal. All their songs went something like, "RAR, roar, rar, rar, roar, $#%#! You!"

Finally Polarized Mind came on and the place cleared out leaving ten or so people left. I enjoyed their show

Food Addiction

I've been thinking about addiction again. Specifically food addiction. I think it is most common addiction and plagues most people. However, it is rarely seen as addiction - "You have to eat right?"

A person in good health can go from 30 to 40 days before they begin to starve. However, let's not talk about the limits. Let's reduce it to 1 week. A reasonably healthy person can go one week without eating. The question is, "Can you?"

Most people I know can't go a few hours without eating something. I'm reminded of cigarette smokers who count down the seconds until they can light up again. Junkies waiting for a score.

But are you addicted?

If you do go a few days without eating you'll have withdrawal and feel the need to eat. This will become very strong. But here is the odd thing. A person will feel as if they are starving but in their minds they will turn up their nose as the thought of eating broccoli or cauliflower. No you want to eat cookies, a burger and fries, pizza - comfort foods.

But I'm so "hungry", I'm "starving"!

I think about those old cartoons where a person gets so hungry they eat a shoe. It's played for comedy but it contains a kernel of truth. If you are literally starving you'll eat anything. If it gets bad enough you might eat leather.

What most people associate as hunger is actually withdrawal cravings. True hunger feels similar to thirst. You feel it in the throat not the stomach. Very few of us have actually felt that.

I ask, "are you hungry or addicted?" Am I?