it is already the hour for YOU to awake from sleep

Habakkuk 2:3 "For [the] vision is yet for the appointed time, and it keeps panting on to the end, and it will not tell a lie. Even if it should delay, keep in expectation of it; for it will without fail come true. It will not be late."

My friends if you've been reading this blog or my previous one for any length of time you may have noticed a change in focus. This in many ways reflects the changes that I've been going through some big, some small. On an individual level I still enjoy many of the same things I've always enjoyed, such as making music; however these things have taken somewhat of a backseat to my primary focus - the Kingdom of God.

I hope I'm not coming across and haughty or arrogant or "holier than thou". Please understand that I cannot stop speaking about these things. (Acts 4:20) Jehovah has blessed me in so many ways and I'm just trying to do all that I possibly can to make good on that. This is something that weighs on me because it is a heavy responsibility. Particularly in view of times and the work that needs to be done. The end is coming quickly. I firmly believe that "the time left is reduced." (1 Corinthians 7:29)

Let's consider 2 Peter 3:3,4. "3 For YOU know this first, that in the last days there will come ridiculers with their ridicule, proceeding according to their own desires 4 and saying: “Where is this promised presence of his? Why, from the day our forefathers fell asleep [in death], all things are continuing exactly as from creation’s beginning.”"

Certainly that scripture applies to the world in general. However there are elements of that mentality today within the congregation. Sone assume that all things are continuing just the same since 1914 when it is believed that Christ's presence began. They are failing to look out and see that things are not the same. That the foretold wars, famine, pestilences, earthquakes that we are experience now or that are on the horizon will dwarf anything we have seen in the past. Indeed it is already the hour for us to wake up! (Romans 13:11-12)

But when we see these things occuring - more frequently, more devastating - there are some things to keep in mind. Jesus likens these events to labor pangs. (Mark 13:8; Matthew 24:8). Labor pangs build toward the birth of child. When the pangs increase and become closer to together we know that the time for the blessed event to occur. Therefore we see these things taking place more and more we know we are getting closer to the end. Things are not the same now as the were in the 1990's which are not the same as they were in the 1950's which are not the same as they were in the 1900's.

Once again I can only encourage all to build faith and love now. Read the Bible daily. When reading the Bible pray for Jehovah's holy spirit to help you. Learn to trust and rely on Jehovah. Keep on the watch. Wake up and stay awake.

"11 [Do] this, too, because YOU people know the season, that it is already the hour for YOU to awake from sleep, for now our salvation is nearer than at the time when we became believers. 12 The night is well along; the day has drawn near. Let us therefore put off the works belonging to darkness and let us put on the weapons of the light. 13 As in the daytime let us walk decently, not in revelries and drunken bouts, not in illicit intercourse and loose conduct, not in strife and jealousy. 14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not be planning ahead for the desires of the flesh" (Romans 13:11-14)

Christian Love,

earthquakes

"and there will be ... earthquakes in one place after another." (Matthew 24:7)

Quake toll exceeds 30,000

My prayers to all those who have suffered loss.

Friends we are getting so very close. Stay awake. Keep on the watch.

all the more so

The US media has finally picked up on the story of the avian flu, no doubt in part to the fact that in a speech earlier this week the President held it out as a possiblity that the country should prepare for. (Of course the preperation he spoke of was in the context of giving the military increased ability to operate internally for the purpose of crisis management, quarantine, and innoculation.)

It is believed by health officials that this flu has the potential to be even more deadly than the spanish flu of 1918. As Christians you then have to ask yourselves, If the spanish flu was telling us that Jesus' presence had begun in 1914 what will the avian flu be telling us? More importantly we need to ask ourselves what we should be doing in view of the urgency of the times.

As Christians we need to keep in mind that the judgment begins with the house of God. (1 Peter 4:17) Knowing that, we need to constantly keep an eye on ourselves to make sure that we will fair well in that judgment. A good starting point for self examination is a personal study of the letters to the seven congregations in Asia Minor provided in Revelation chapters 2 & 3. Jesus' words in these letters finds direct application to the Christian Congregation. Through these letters Jesus tells us what we are doing good and what we need to work on.

I just began reading these letters again starting with the letter to the congegation of Ephesus. (Rev 2:1-7) That congregation's biggest strength was that it was zealous for the truth; they didn't tolerate liars and false apostles, apostates. However Jesus cautioned them that they had left the love they had at first. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul specifically commended them for the love they showed to the holy ones (Ephesians 1:15 ASV per NA26 text). However over time this love that promoted good works had evidentally eroded. In the Revelation Jesus encouraged them to return to these former deeds.

Because the judgment is soon to be upon us we need to use the time we have to shore up our congregations by promoting love and faith. We owe this to our brothers and sisters - certainly this is the primary reason for our fellowship. The day of Jehovah is drawing ever near therefore we need to encourage each other ALL THE MORE SO. (Hebrews 10:25) If we have faith then our faith should translate in our rendering good works - love and support to our brothers and sisters. We need to care for them in their time of need or our faith is dead. (James 2:14-17)

For those of us in the US we need to understand what the annual report is telling us. We need to comprehend what 0% growth means. It means for every individual that we reach out the ministry, persuade to accept the truth, patiently study with to bring to accurate knowledge, help toward repentance, and finally baptize into the Christian congregation - for every individual that we bring into the congregation through the front door - one of our brothers and sisters is leaving out the back.

Please look around at your congregation and decide who you would care to lose to the world. Hopefully you would wish none that fate. So let us all try our hardest to encourage all toward endurance and rescue those who have left. Is the ministry within the house somehow less important than the ministry in the field?

Your brother in Christ.

random-x

On Saturday Trey, Mike, and Seth came over. Their band Random-X is playing at a gathering today and wanted to record a quick CD to pass out. So we hammered out three songs. If we had more time we could've polished them up a bit however I like what they came up with. I'm pretty impressed by them considering they are all under 16 years of age. So please check out their myspace page and listen to the songs they have up. Trey wrote and sings on "So Long" and Mike wrote and sings on "Rewind" - both are gems. Good stuff.

--

I tried to buy the Concretes CD at Target. I guess I assumed they would have it since the Concretes are all over their TV commercials - but I wrong. I just downloaded it from iTunes. I like it and it reminds me of Mazzy Star a bit. However it makes me miss my organ.

P.S.

We took my organ sale money and bought me a new suit. Somehow it doesn't seem like a very good trade off.

caffeine

Well ... here's to turning over a new leaf in life.
After years upon years of soda drinking with no adverse health effects (that I know of) caffeine now makes me dizzy and sick. So I guess I'm going to have to make some changes and go back to water or something.
No tea.
No coffee.
No soda.
I can barely comprehend that.
(I posted the lyrics to "Caffeine" by Kristin Hersh as they seem fitting. today.)

I'm wearing long sleeves and the air has a chill to it. They are saying it is going to be a bad winter which is pretty convenient if you are an energy executive seeing as how natural gas is 100% up. For the rest of us this bad news. Mina came up with a nice idea - we will just buy some blankets.

Look out for October.

Hug your loved ones.


--

The best of us puking
The rest of us not doing so well
You can tell by the way we look over your shoulder
Watching for the next big thing
Caffeine in the blood, caffeine on the brain, bad well water
Set off a chain reaction, a desparate set of principles
I wish we were lonely
I wish we were boring
It's so much easier
You're driving and I am your backseat shadow
The radio keeps playing
The radio keeps saying Nothing lost and nothing gained
But if you don't like it then leave
What if you won't take it from me?
I can soothe you
I feel your heart beating
I hear your soft breathing

-caffeine Kristin Hersh

Gethsemene

Last night I was reading over the different accounts of the last hours of Jesus' life on Earth. I was particularly moved by the account of what transpired in the garden of Gethsemane. The mental image of Jesus I carried in past is him at his strongest - the power that he displayed while driving the money changers out of the temple - the calm dignity he displayed while suffering abuse in the courts. However this account of Gethsemane is Jesus at his most vunerable. It is not pleasant but at his most human it enables me to relate to him more.

There is one verse in Mark 14 that particularly caught my attention, "...and he started to be stunned and sorely troubled." (v. 33) I started to wonder why suddenly Jesus was "stunned". In the Greek this word, ekthambeo, carries the thought of being startled, thrown in terror, alarmed. What must it have been like? Have you ever gotten so scared that it is like the wind is knocked out of you? Has a thought so dreadful ever come across you that you cannot move because of the sheer horror of it?

Imagine what it was like for Jesus. He evidentally knew hew was to die since he had been preparing the apostles for his death for some time. Maybe there in the garden as the zero hour approached the gravity of the situation suddenly came upon him. Honestly to be killed is one thing - to be reviled, beaten, flogged, and impaled is quite another.

Jesus tells his three companions, "My soul is deeply grieved, even to death. Stay here and keep on the watch with me." (Matthew 26:37) I wonder if apostles understood what he was going through? Have you ever had a friend try to reach out and communicate to you the pain they are experiencing and you don't comprehend it? Here Jesus is telling them quite simply, "Stay with me. Don't leave me. Stay awake."

Jesus then goes ahead of then a little ways, maybe just out of earshot, and then "he fell upon his face". He literally collapses in despair and begins praying to his Father. He said “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass away from me. Yet, not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39) Mark's account of this prayer is even more tender for he address his Father as "Abba", daddy or papa.

I think about his prayer and what he was asking and why he was asking it. I don't think it is wrong to at least consider the thought Jesus was greatly troubled by what he was to suffer. Wouldn't you be? And not just troubled by his own personal pain but also in despair over the stakes that were riding on the next day. All of humanity hung in the balance. His Father's righteousness was in question. This was alot to have on your shoulders.

In Luke's account Jehovah sends an angel to comfort Jesus. Even while his closest friends fell asleep nearby his heavenly Father didn't leave him. Yet in the arms of this divine comfort, Luke writes "But getting into an agony he continued praying more earnestly; and his sweat became as drops of blood falling to the ground." (Luke 22:43,44) So severe was his anquish that a medical condition called hemohidrosis or hematidrosis befell him. As a result of hemmoraging in the sweat glands his sweat became mixed with blood. This can cause the body to go into shock. (And I wonder about this. Jesus was a perfect man and yet his body was physically breaking down under the pressure. When he says, "I am troubled even to death" there is an indication that the mental trauma was so great that he felt it would kill him right then and there.)

The hour then came, just as his betrayer approached to lead the arrest Jesus picked himself up and prepared to face his destiny. When the troops asked for Jesus he didn't run, he didn't hide, he boldy said, "I am he." That boldness and composure would be the mark that he carried throughout his numerous trials and tortures.

The Great Sea Monsters

Genesis 1:21 "And God proceeded to create the great sea monsters ... And God got to see that [it was] good."

I have always been fascinated by the so-called great sea monsters. When I was little I used to get these cards that had pictures of animals on one side and a little factoid about them on the reverse. My favorite was the narwhal! At the time it was so elusive that instead of a photograph there was only a painting.

Today I was happy to read the news article Giant Squid Photographed for First Time. A team of Japanese scientists are the first to capture a picture of a live giant squid - a creature so elusive that we only knew of its existence when bodies or pieces of bodies washed up on shore. It is rumoured that once upon a time these animals would attack sailing ships. Presumably today they are scared away by the sounds of motors and we no longer have these threats.

The 41st chapter of Job describes a mighty sea creature called Leviathan which is described by God as "king over all majestic beasts". Some Bible commentators have suggested that Leviathan is a crocodile. To which we can only ask when has a crocodile ever breathed fire? (vs 18-21) I'm still waiting to catch of glimpse of this great sea monster - albeit at a safe distance in a fire proof suit!

blackout

9:30pm Tuesday Night

We are returning home after grocery shopping. I'm hungry and can't wait to get a pizza in the oven. I go to the bedroom to change out of my dress clothes.

The lights go out.

My dad was over monday to fix the my circuit box so I assume there is a problem.
There is a problem but it is not ours alone. The whole street is out.
Correction the whole block is out.
Correction the whole neighbourhood is out.

Interesting how dependent you are on power and when it suddenly vanishes you are left running around and bumping heads like some pitch-black Three Stooges episode.

Two weeks ago, after Katrina, we bought matches, and lighters, and a big flashlight. The flashlight came in handy. (Next on the disaster-prep shopping list will be a crank radio.)

We took a drive around the dark town. It seemed like it was our chunk of neighborhood that was out. (1,500 people or so)

We came back home and there was nothing to do but sleep.

At 11:00 pm the lights flickered to life and my bedroom fan began blowing on me. We breathed a collective sigh of relief and collectively realized how enslaved we are to the power grid.

Further study:

The "Little House" book series.

Items to buy:

Crank shortwave radio.

Broken

Friday morning I got the call:

"Anthony you'd better come in early. The computer systems are down".

Overnight the we had a lightning storm and the system had failed. I spent all-day trying to get it going again and I came up short. So I threw myself out at Saturday and finally got it to go ... barely ... slowly.

The machine's a mess. The tape backup drive is failing.

I hope a new machine is in the budget cause we are going to need one ...

--

Friday night I got in beat down and stressed. Rebekah, bless her heart, went out and got me some taquitos and a six-pack of Negra Modelo. That made things beter. Comfort food.

--

Saturday we took Mina out - lunch, book store, Toys-r-Us, City Museum. The City Museum is fun anytime but at night it gets so much better (and cheaper). We happened to bump into fellow Nucleargopher/Band Kids labelmate Nathan. What a surprise that was! We exchanged numbers. Hopefully we can get together now that he is around here.

There was a fight in the dodge-ball pit.

--

Sunday after the meetings we went to Quizno's and I chomped down on a piece of ice and my molar broke.

Life.

We went to D.Z.'s memorial service. It was really sad.

I was thinking about the resurrection and how wonderful it would be to be able to raise people from the dead. What a joy! There's greater happiness in giving the receiving. How I wish I could bring them back!

. . .

I wish I knew what to do
Where to go
When to move
Can you help me to see?

I'm so unkind
My eyes are blind

I'm so unworthy
I'm so worldly

Father hold me

I hope this isn't blasphemy
Come down and save me

I love you

There is no fear in love

So where does that leave us?

I love you too much

My heart might burst
...but I've had worse.

Glasses

I was drinking out of a measuring glass and it dawned on me that we need to buy some glasses. As it stands we have:

1 shot glass
1 martini glass
1 wine goblet
1 drinking glass

I doubt we will be entertaining anytime soon ...

My Friend

I started to feel better about the disaster now that our Government is getting the situation under control.

But then I got the call that one of my old friends had died. Suicide.
So that is now upsetting to me.
We grew up together as young kids and then we saw each often when we were teenagers.
Eventually he went to Bethel and I lost track of him.

I felt like calling him a month or so ago but never got around to it.
I really wish I had because when terrible things like this happen we always seem to wonder if there was something we could've done.

So my prayers and thoughts today are going to his family.

Come, Lord Jesus. Come!

Keep On The Watch

I've been incredibly sad about the New Orleans situation.
Sad is maybe an understatement.
Crushed.
Distraught.
Weak.
And those words don't seem to describe how I truly feel about the matter.

There is a lot to say about these things ... about what is going on.
But what can you say?

Please realise the value of having some provisions set-aside in your home in view of the times.

FEMA Emergency Preparedness Checklist

Above all else recognize that when the tribulation as spoken of by Jesus (Matthew 24:9,21) hits no amount of disaster preperation will be able to save us. Things will be so bad that the only salvation would be through Jehovah and at the hand of our savior Jesus.

So a key to preparation is reading the Bible, praying, drawing close to Jehovah right now. Examine your life and honestly see if something is standing in the way of your relationship with your heavenly Father. If you find something blocking your path don't hesitate to get rid of it. (Matthew 18:8,9)

I firmly believe that the tribulation is coming quickly. Can you look out and the world and see that is no longer slowly advancing from bad to worse but it is a near free-fall toward collapse and breakdown?

Keep on the watch. Keep your oil supply going strong.

Be ready for anything.

Trust in Jehovah no matter what!

My Money Where My Mouth Is

I could write about my bad day yesterday. I could but anything that I'm going through is extremely petty in light of what is happening just south of me.

To me this is worse than September 11th. September 11th was at least comprehensible on a simplistic level. Warefare between nations is rarely simple but at least we can understand it.

But this ...

Young children are being raped and murdered. Can you comprehend that?

Thousands of dead bodies floating being eaten by birds, fish, and alligators. Can you comprehend that?

People dropping like flies without food and water. Can you comprehend that?

People being rounded up (coralled) and sent to stadiums. Can you comprehend that?

People shooting their military. Can you comprehend that?

The military shooting their people. Can you comprehend that?

I find it very difficult to understand these things ...

People throw out their reason when the get scared. The human tendancy to hang on to life will make rational people act desperate. You can see that in New Orleans. No food. No water. No nothing. They become animal.

I think of Revelation where only those who receive the mark of the beast (align themselves with that last political world rulership) will be able to buy and sell. Think about what that would mean for you. You are starving. Your kids are starving. This world government is dangling food in front of you and saying you can eat if you join us, you can get healthcare if join us, we can protect you if you join us. And yet we have to make a choice to side with God's Kingdom and let the consequences be what the consequences will be.

It calls to mind the three Hebrews who refused to bow down to Nebuchadnezzar's idol. (Is it coincidence that the idol carried the measurements 60 and 6? The name of the Beast is 600 60 6.) They were willing to suffer the consequences - death by fire - for their giving Jehovah their God exclusive devotion. Would Jehovah save them? It didn't matter to them because it wasn't about them. If He would He would if He didn't they would still worship him. Their concern was Jehovah and Jehovah only. And so they were grabbed and hurled into the fire. It appeared that Jehovah wouldn't rescue them. It wasn't until the 0 moment and they hit the flames when Jehovah did save them. At the very point of not turning back He sent an angel to deliver him. This is a lesson for those who will make up the great crowd that survives the Great Tribulation.

For awhile now I have felt in my bones and my heart that we are close. Each new day tells me I'm right.

The terrorist attacks of September 11th happened and we woke up ... and then went back to sleep.

The tsunami hit and we woke up ... and then went back to sleep.

We can't afford to go back to sleep. Not now. Not this time.

Jesus gave us the stuff to look for in Matthew 24 and Luke 21. I know some of us feel that list came true in 1914 or shortly thereafter and we don't have to keep on the watch anymore. But the stuff we are going through and will soon go through will make all those "big events" seemingly insignificant. Really how bad will World War I seem if ever we were involved in a nuclear war? Really how bad with the spanish flu seem if the dreaded avian flu begins spreading to humans? Really how bad will the great depression seem if the american economy collapses and plunges the world into global depression? And if/when the weather finally breaks due to global warming how will anything compare to the natural disasters, disease, and food shortages that such a change will bring about?

I don't know that any of that stuff will happen but as a matter of practicality I think you have to assume and prepare for the worst. Remember "for then there will be great tribulation such as has not occurred since the world’s beginning until now, no, nor will occur again." (Matthew 24:21)

I think we have decided to sell everything non-essential and try to live as simply as possible for the time being. This will probably include stuff we love like record collections and music equipment It's not that the extra money will be any protection but I just don't want to be encumbered by possessions. I don't want to be the guy who is staying behind when the warning is given because he is afraid of losing his stuff. I don't want to be the guy shot and murdered for his material posessions.

Matthew 24:15 “Therefore, when YOU catch sight of the disgusting thing that causes desolation, as spoken of through Daniel the prophet, standing in a holy place, (let the reader use discernment,) 16 then let those in Ju·de´a begin fleeing to the mountains. 17 Let the man on the housetop not come down to take the goods out of his house; 18 and let the man in the field not return to the house to pick up his outer garment."

This is the guy I really want to be ... I want to be the guy that is able to flee unencumbered without looking back. (Remember Lot's wife? These things are a lesson for us to learn from.) When it comes time to move or preach or whatever work there is to do in the final days I want to do it without reservation.

Katrina

Last night I watched a news channel hoping to get a glimpse of what was going on down-south with the storm.

They showed a newscaster who was in the French Quarter of New Orleans. He was giving his spiel about the damage and the camera man was panning around showing some of the devestation. They then focus on this bar and the news man proclaims that it is one of the only places still open They zoom in on people standing around in the dark drinking pints of beer. One man smiles and toasts the camera. Another man exits the bar with a girl on his arm - she is dressed for a night on the town.

This morning:

"An overnight break in the 17th Street Canal levee is allowing water from Lake Pontchartrain to pour into New Orleans, already flooded by Hurricane Katrina. Televised accounts said this morning that people have been trapped in the upper stories or attics of their homes by rapidly rising water. The combined effects of rain, storm surge and levee breaks have left 80 percent of New Orleans underwater, Mayor C. Ray Nagin said. Some portions of the city are beneath up to 20 feet of water."

It makes me think of this scripture:

"Matthew 24:38 For as they were in those days before the flood, eating and drinking, men marrying and women being given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark; 39 and they took no note until the flood came and swept them all away, so the presence of the Son of man will be. "

The capacity of humans to "let the good times roll" despite the dangerous calamity waiting just around the corner never ceases to amaze and frighten me.

Am I Dead Or Asleep On The Sofa?

Speed and Sleep:

I am having really bizarre sleeping patterns. I used to be right asleep at 10:00-10:30pm. That has become 12:00am, 1, 2, 3. I feel fairly energized though as if I'm "plugged in" for lack of a better word.

I know there is this idea that we are waiting on Jehovah to settle affairs on Earth but more and more I get the impression He is waiting on us. Like He is a mile ahead of all us and saying come on, hurry up, finish this work so we can get on with the real life. I feel like there simply is not enough time for what needs to get done to get done - and if I could spend 24 hours reading and studying the Bible and tending to the congregation and preaching the word that it would still be insufficient.

Katrina:

My prayers to everyone that is affected by this disaster. It is really horrible to have to consider this.

Earlier this year the Pentagon released a report speculating about the increased upheaval of society resulting from global warming. They consider a world on the brink of collapse and embroiled in war, famine, disease, and natural disaster. (True believers does that list sound familiar?)

It easy to say, "get used to it." But there is simply no getting used to these type of things. "Getting used to it" carries a certain level of acceptance. We cannot accept these things since they shouldn't be. So-called natural disasters are very unnatural in relationship to the original divine purpose. (Dying of natural causes is a lie.)

These things are only going to get worse. We need to start making preperations. Store up treasures in heaven. Build your faith on a rock mass. Develop a close relationship with your Heavenly Father.

We are so very, very close.

Kristin Hersh:

In my last entry I pointed out Kristin Hersh's new blog. Well no sooner do I provide that link she comes out on this tirade against Intelligent Design. So I'm sorry if I pointed anyone in the wrong direction. The argument to me seems silly but I may just be ignorant. I make no concession that after examing different pieces of "evidence" that I am a staunch creation apologist. But what I question is this notion that my personal beliefs are acting as some sort of restraint for scientific advancement. I deny this idea that if people like me would just embrace evolution then science can march unhindered into a dazzling newage of miracles and understanding.

CSS:

I pulled my hair out designing the new 6a2 site to the point where I have officially given up on HTML tables. I have started a new project and am attempting to learn CSS. It requires a different way of thinking about things but the end results seem much more pleasing as CSS Zen Garden gives fine testimony of. The site is interesting in that it has hundreds(?) of different designs based on the same content. Oh so good.

Wrapped Up In Books

So I've decided to return to using Blogger. An e-friend Eric did it so why shouldn't I? Especially since my e-friend Eric is pretty hip and worthy of imitation in these sort of things. So here it is two minutes in and I'm remembering why I hated blogging with Blogger: Trying to think up titles for these entries.

Wrapped Up In Books

I chose that title for two reasons. 1.) It is the title of a fun Belle & Sebastian song. 2.) Reading books is my center these days and I just happened to have finished the B&S biography "Just A Modern Rock Story"

I read it Wednesday-night/Thursday-morning and finished at about 3:00am. There was just enough time to clock in three meager hours of sleep before rolling right out of bed and into the work very tired. A diversion. If you enjoy Belle & Sebastian and are interested in how the music came about then this book is for you. If you could care less about "twee" Scottish bands then probably this wouldn't hold your interest. But as they say on Reading Rainbow - "You don't have to take my word for it!"

If you came to my house, and really you should sometime, you would see this. On second thought you probably wouldn't see this because I would tidy up a bit. So let's rephrase this. If you sneaked into my house slyly you would see this. An open Bible in every room. Insight books by my bed side. Notebooks strewn about. Other Bible-study publications peppered here and there. And I say these things not to put myself up as some pinnacle of pretense and piety but just to let you know that I definately feel wrapped up in books. Honsetly, there is no Tylenol PM quite as effective as a late-night sedative as Insight on the Scriptures, vol 1. (I'm heretofore reserving judgment on Volume 2.)

Everybody has a blog it seems. I've probably never mentioned her before but my one time favorite musicians Kristin Hersh now has a blog. It is kind of funny in how domestic it is. I say that so very lovingly.

Yesterday we went over to an older couple's house after the meeting. I made it goal a couple of months ago to try to take care of widows and orphans more. I had no idea of how to go about that mission. So it is in life these days, all the motivation in the world but no idea how to go about it. Anyhow we were sitting and I was enjoying the association of a couple of older sisters and I had the sudden realisation that despite myself my goal was being fulfilled. So I guess so long as one sincerely desires to reach out that Jehovah will make it happen. Really if I could just quit thinking and have Him grab me by the neck and steer me around I would be quite, quite happy. But alas I have this free will thing to fight with. (That is a bit of joke. I appreciate the gift of free will.)

Finally, last night I went out to get a snickers, a bag of cool-ranch doritos, and an order of nachos. The sky was very twilight, a nice blue-black. I was playing Sugar Plant and it felt very, very good.

Commentary on 1 & 2 Timothy

The traveling overseer Timothy faced a difficult situation while shepherding and caring for the congregation of Ephesus. Certain ones of that congregation such as Hymenaeus, Alexander, and Philetus were entertaining unbiblical ideas concerning the resurrection and skewed evaluations of material prosperity. Others were continually arguing over aspects of the Jewish law, getting distracted by philosophical musings, or dabbling in mysticism and genealogies. Paul had started to correct these teachings but for some reason had to suddenly leave the congregation. In his stead he left young Timothy to continue to deal with this troubling situation. Reflecting on Paul’s epistles can help us when confronting specious reasonings, false teachings, and the men who propogate them. Indeed also Paul’s letters can do much to improve the types of discussions we have as we pursue a clearer understanding of the Bible's prophecy and remain steadfast in the truth.

Let us consider 1 Timothy chapter 1. In verse 3 Paul mentions the purpose of Timothy’s staying behind in Ephesus. He was told to “command ones not to teach different doctrine, nor to pay attention to false stories and to genealogies, which end up in nothing, but which furnish questions for research rather than a dispensing of anything by God in connection with faith.”

In Paul’s absence, Timothy was to continually instruct ones in the congregation to not teach false doctrines – deviations from the word of God or teachings of Christ. This may seem obvious at first glance however the Churches of Christendom provide positive proof of the damages wrought by unchecked doctrinal deviations. Sadly we often have witnessed those who do not have a firm grasp on the faith go from questioning prophetic or organizational matters to aligning themselves with Christendom's churches and entertaining or even advancing un-Biblical ideas about Jesus Christ and his spirit annointed brothers.

The next part I find particularly interesting. Timothy was to command ones to not get bogged down in theological or legal research questions. Was this because such research was inherently wrong? It seems to me the focus here is that such questions were not designed to promote faith or godly devotion but simply to be philosophical musings or to occupy the mind with possibly unanswerable questions.

In connection with the Bible there are many things that we often wonder about. There are many things in our readings that we cannot answer and so we meditate on them or do research to find an answer. Such a thing is good. However posing questions just for the sake of debate or for mere show of knowledge can be detrimental. It can refocus our minds from what we know to what we do not know. Can we get so wrapped up in trying to answer the potentially unanswerable that we lose sight of the clear truths of the Bible? Or by having theological debates can we detract from a person’s faith? Maybe by arguing over prophecy we inadvertently cause ones to doubt the inspired word of God? (Such is the sad legacy of "higher criticism" and strange theological reasonings. I should like to comment on such shows of "wisdom" later in a commentary on Paul's letters to the Corinthians.)

Woefully it can be seen that individuals without a firm hold on the truth can be induced to question everything and anything. Like Pontius Pilate they absolve themselves of any responsibility toward God or their fellows by washing their hands and claiming, "What is truth?" It would behoove any mature Christian to be extremely careful when discussing the "solid food" with those who have yet to grasp the "milk" of Bible truth. (Hebrews 5:12) Truly our time would be better spent shoring up their faith in the basic teachings of the Holy Scriptures.

Next Paul clearly spells out the Timothy’s commission in verse 5 where he says, “really the objective of this mandate is love out of a clear heart and out of a good conscience and out of faith without hypocrisy.” This thought is again echoed in verse 18, “This mandate I commit to you, child, Timothy, . . . that by these you may go on waging the fine warfare; holding faith and a good conscience, which some have thrust aside and have experienced shipwreck concerning [their] faith.”

Timothy was going to be waging spiritual warfare against false reasonings, empty speech, and apostasy in the congregation of Ephesus. How was he to attack such destructive speech? It was through love, faith, and a good conscience. This is in harmony with Paul’s other letters were he alluded to our spiritual warfare and made clear that we should attack evil with “weapons of light” such as love. (Romans 13: 12, Ephesians 6:13-20) His and our best course of action is to continue to encourage ones who may be falling into doubts, showing them mercy, loving them, building their faith and snatching them out of the fire. (Jude 22,23)

In 1 Timothy 4:11 Paul again instructs Timothy to “keep on giving these commands and teaching them.” How was he to teach them? 1 Timothy 4:12 continues, “become an example to the faithful ones in speaking, in conduct, in love, in faith, in chasteness.”

This is an important point. Sometimes we can debate and debate with someone and they still will not come to a proper understanding. However we can teach them by our example in love or faith. This calls to mind Peter’s counsel to Christian wives that through their godly conduct their unbelieving husbands can be “won without a word” (1 Peter 1:2) How true that sometimes our best answer will be a non-verbal one.

1 Timothy Chapter 6:1-5 focuses on the attitudes of the problem members of the congregation of Ephesus. They are described as “puffed up [with pride], not understanding anything, but being mentally diseased over questionings and debates about words. From these things spring envy, strife, abusive speeches, wicked suspicions, violent disputes about trifles on the part of men corrupted in mind and despoiled of the truth.”

Paul pulls no punches in describing the bad that can result by taking part in questionings and debates about words. Perhaps you have noticed how a “discussion” about some small matter of prophecy (a trifle) can quickly spiral into abusive speeches, name calling, suspicions, and other verbal violence. Or how sometimes when someone counters an opinion or idea that we hold how we can quickly become obsessed with proving ourselves “right” and our brother “wrong”? Is this not a sign of pride? I should like to point out that some Bible translations add to the end of verse 5, “from these things turn away.” Whether or not that is a spurious addition I don’t think that you can argue against the wisdom of it.

Indeed Paul concludes his first letter to Timothy by encouraging that very thing. “O Timothy, guard what is laid up in trust with you, turning away from empty speeches that violate what is holy and from the contradictions of the falsely called “knowledge”. For making a show of such [knowledge] some have deviated from the faith.”

Christians should be mindful to guard against letting themselves get involved in debates and empty speeches. We should not try to elevate ourselves by a show of knowledge and try to force others into our way of thinking by angry debates.

The second letter to Timothy was written as Paul faced his death. Therein he gives Timothy admonition to continue on as a Christian minister. There too he also reiterates how Timothy should act in regards to verbal wrangling.

Once again in 2 Timothy 2:16 Paul instructs Timothy to “shun empty speeches that violate what is holy; for they will advance to more and more ungodliness and their word will spread like gangrene.” Timothy was to avoid getting involved in these speeches. Just as Paul knew that even detractors could spread the good news of Christ by their constantly speaking against it that “empty speeches” could “spread like gangrene” if one would continue to debate endlessly on them.

Paul continues this line of thought in verse 23 where he tells him to “turn down foolish and ignorant questionings, knowing they produce fights. But a slave of the Lord does not need to fight, but needs to be gentle toward all, qualified to teach, keeping himself restrained under evil, instructing with mildness those not favorably disposed.”

What excellent advice for all of us! We shouldn’t let someone goad us into a debate that will only lead to a fight. Too often we have individuals who seem to only pose topics of conversation that do not propagate love but instead to cause anger or hurt feelings. Even if you honestly feel that you are in the right of what benefit is it if you win a verbal debate but do not “incite one to love and fine works”? Isn't that the primary objective of our fellowship? (Hebrews 10:24:25) Isn’t it sad that while some may take a position that is technically correct that their manner of defending their position or attacking that of others is animalistic and devoid of love?

What can be the good result of turning down such debates? Paul answers in verse 25, “perhaps God may give them repentance leading to an accurate knowledge of truth and they may come back to their proper senses out from the snare of the Devil, seeing that they have been caught alive by him for the will of that one.”

After highlighting the ungodly attitudes of men within the congregation during the last days Paul highlights the a particular dangerous form of man in 2 Timothy 3:6,7. "For from these arise those men who slyly work their way into the households and lead as their captives weak women loaded down with sins, lead by various desires, always learning and yet never able to come to an accurate knowledge of the truth." This is where the real danger lies with those who would advance wrong doctrine. They are not content to keep such deviation to themselves but they enter into the households and pull ones out after them. For such individuals there is really no such thing as truth. God's word is merely a curiosity to be examined endlessly from all sorts of angles. Doctrine is mailable clay to be formed, torn down, and reformed again and again.

To the Apostle Paul there was such a thing as truth and there too would be ones to resist it. In verse 8 of Chapter 3 he describes these resisters as "men completely corrupted in mind, disapproved as regards the faith". While such men may slip in slyly Paul says that as time progresses, "their madness will be very plain to all" for "wicked men and impostors will advance from bad to worse, misleading and being misled." (2 Timothy 3:9,13)

Was the situation hopeless? Paul knew that apostacy and wicked men would not be going away. Indeed he aptly prophesied that the situation would continue to deteriorate into a full-fledged apostacy without restraint. (2 Thessalonians 2:7) However on an individual level he trusted in young Timothy's ability to withstand such pressures and moreover help those with a pure heart cling to the truth as well.

He lovingly implores Timothy in verse 14 and 15 "You, however, continue in the things that you learned and were persuaded to believe, knowing from what person you learned them and that from infancy you have known the holy writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through the faith in connection with Christ Jesus."

Once we have learned the basic truth of the scripture and have been persuaded to believe it we needn't be like those who are always searching for something more. The wisdom that we gain becomes our grounding so that we do not become "tossed about as by waves and carried hither and thither by every wind of teaching by means of the trickery of men, by means of cunning in contriving error." (Ephesian 4:14) A firm grasp of such truth leads to faith in Jesus. One of the greatest gifts from our Heavenly father is His inspired word the holy scriptures. (2 Timothy 3:16). By reading the scriptures and rejecting the harmful "wisdom" of men we can become "fully competent, completely equipped for every good work". (2 Timothy 3:17)

We have the inspired Word of God. (Hebrews 4:12) We have the holy spirit as our teacher. (John 14:26) Yet some still repudiate these wonderful gifts; exchanging them for self-styled teachers of the word. Paul anticipated that just as there would arrive many of these teachers there would not be a shortage of those who would enjoy ear tickling designed to turn them away from hearing the truth. (2 Timothy 4:3,4)

Our response to this is to “preach the word, be at it urgently in favorable season, in troublesome season, reprove, reprimand, exhort, with all long-suffering and [art of] teaching.” (2 Timothy 4:2) He counsels Timothy to "keep your senses in all things, suffer evil, do the work of an evangelizer, fully accomplish your ministry. (2 Timothy 4:5). We do well to occupy ourselves with such wholesome activities and not let apostates and false teachers pull us away or soak up our time and attention.

In dealing with individuals that are deviating from the written word and the healthful teachings, following such wicked men, we may feel compelled to reprove, reprimand, or exhort them. However we need to do so with long-suffering (loyal love) and the art of teaching – that is to say with all manner of tact and mild speech. Of what benefit is it that we win an argument and lose a brother? And in reproving a brother wouldn’t it be more loving for us to apply Jesus counsel of Matthew 18:15 and privately discuss the matter instead of in front of others?

I woke up in love this morning

We have a jam-packed weekend. One of those where Sunday night you realise that you didn't get a bit of rest. But it was all good.

My guitar pickups finally came in the mail. I wired them up and it didn't work. Shoot! I got sound out of them but the volume knob doesn't work at all and squalls - squalls ridiculous. Awesome for Sonic Youth! Not awesome for Anthony. I'm going to have to take it in and let a pro handle it. I dislike the pros. I'm sure they will question my judgment about putting expensive guitar pickups in a $2.00 epiphone guitar. People who work in music stores are jerks.

Last night we went bowling with the friends. The college bowling alley was closed so we ended up at the smoke saturated, white trash alley. ICK! I think I bowled a 55. This 80-year old man(brother?) was bowling with us and he smoked us all with a 166. He was pretty funny, always quick to offer advice to the young ladies.

Afterward the young brothers invited me to go play extreme tennis. EXTREME TENNIS? I questioned. It involves hitting the ball over a fence instead of the net and using six tennis courts as a single court. Up to 6 players per side. I begged out.

As much as looking around at the middle-aged ones in the hall makes me sad. The young people give me a reason for joy. I think we're on to something.

I know at least Rebekah and I are on to something . . .

Last year the brothers came by for a visit. We started talking about goals and the questioned me what my goal was. I know what they expected. If you've been in the religion a number of years you could give them the stock/pat answer.

"Be regular in the ministry." "Reach out for appointment as a MS." "Comment at the meetings."

Instead I spoke imperfectly from the heart and said that I wanted to learn how to love. I'm pretty sure they either didn't understand or appreciate. In talking it over with one brother they explained that it's hard for the elders to measure love. They want to see outward displays. So they can measure your spirituality. But you can fake it. If I make 10 hours of field service a month, attend and answer at all the meetings but my heart is evil and corrupt, should that be OK?

It's been a rough year containing both the lowest point of my spiritual life and the absolute highest. I committed myself to that goal but it took time for the pieces to fall into place. I appreciate Jehovah's guidance and direction. Obstacles have helped me see things clearly. All things served to bring me to a fuller understanding.

I've been struggling for many years trying to do what is right. All it took was allowing holy spirit into my life and now everything is better. Let me offer you a brief example:

I used to hate field service. This past Saturday and Sunday I went out both days. Freely. Willingly. Not because I felt forced to. It wasn't because I was trying to meet a monthly hour quota. I did it because I wanted to and couldn't even begin to think of a reason not to.

And so it goes.

None of this stuff has to be hard or a burden. It's incredibly easy when coupled with the right attitude. Like Jesus told us, "my yoke is kindly and my load is light." There's a better way than grinding against a laundry lists of do's and do-not's. There's a better way of laboring than to meet quotas. Believe in the holy spirit. Believe in Jehovah and his power.

Look around. "The love of the greater number is cooling off." Can you see it? Don't become discouraged. You can be a source of encouragement. Let's be positive and joyful and hopefully guide our brothers and sisters back to a better appreciation of what it means to be a Christian.

lots of love

I wasn't going to update but I decided to do it anyway. Don't expect too much.

Let me tell you about scams, particularly Dole Fruit Bowl scams. A week ago at the grocery store I bought two packages of Dole Pineapple Fruit-Bowls. When I got my receipt it had conveniently printed out a coupon for my next visit. It promised .75 off my next purchase of three packages. Yesterday I used the coupon and bought 3 packages. This time the register spit out a coupon for $1.00 off my next purchase of FOUR packs. This cash register had been given the intelligence to always try to entice me to buy just one more on my next visit.

Rebekah and I were looking at old photo albums last night. I found this picture of me when I was about sixteen years old and I was wearing a shirt that I still wear regularly to work today. That's incredibly disturbing. It makes me want to set fire to my closet and start anew.

I finally got my Mates of State DVD as well as their new EP. The DVD was kind of cobbled together. The Mates have good tunes but their personalities are somewhat grating. It's kind of ruined for me. They are self-proclaimed a-holes which is a turn-off. But the new EP was pretty nice. The title track Goods (All In Your Head) is splendid.

You can download a free 6a2 song at Nuclear Gopher Records. It's from our soon to be released album 6a2:SixAfterTwo. I've been hard at it with the album art and also finishing up the tracks. The album art is better than I expected. It involves the use of transparencies which is something I've wanted to do for years but never had an application for it. I've finally found one.

It's kind of jumping the gun but I've also been conceptualizing the new Something Felt web-site. I finally registered the domain name after sitting on the band name for a decade. Fortunately through some stroke of fortune it was still available. The style will be very "cute" and "warm" which coming off of 6a2 will be a welcomed change. The idea for the album art for that album is also being conceptualized. And also are stage costumes. And shooting way ahead I've even named the next album.

I don't have anything else but lots of love.

radio spelling bee

One of the things that has struck me as queer about Restoration England is the way words were written and pronounced. I was having a rough time making sense of it until I read that there was no standardized system of spelling and that most of the time people would spell a word as they heard it. This could vary by regional accent.

I was wanting to give my new novel more of historical undercurrent and perhaps write it as it would've been written back then. But I'm debating it. On one hand I hate where people in novel a set back in the past talk like it's 2004. On the other hand I hate when a novel is written with an accent that makes it unreadable. Then there is the spelling issue. It's not as if Microsoft Word can do a spell check on Restoration period English.

Also one of our songs got played on the radio last night, albeit at 11:30pm, albeit on the local show, albeit on college radio; but, it was still fun! Our web site got a plug which was a nice bonus.

love to all my friends and foes

My iTunes will only play one song, "Simplicity Is Beautiful" by Juliana Hatfield. Awesome, awesome tune. It makes me smile and want to write songs in Drop-D.

My sister got Rebekah and I a headphone amp for our Anniversary. That's cool!

I've got a Doctor's appointment in a hour. I'm gonna make them blind weigh, anorectic style. I can't deal with my weight right now. I'm also gonna try to talk the Doctor into writing a script for Clenbuterol so I can haul it back from Mexico.

What else?

Hmmm.

It's going to be long work day. I might as well never leave today.

Nothing much else has been going on. Just incredibly busy, busy, busy, busy, busy.

My love to all my friends and foes.

A Good Day

It's 11:30 p.m., Sunday, September 26th. I'm going to type a little before going to bed and I'll finish this up Monday or maybe Tuesday. I need to get this right.

It would almost be wrong not to consider this weekend one of the best of my entire life - and without a doubt THE best since I have been married. For the longest time it I figured there came a point with your teenage years behind where the party had to eventually stop. It least it did around here. Everybody got married, got jobs, got mortagages, got dull, got boring, got old and completely cynical. But it doesn't have to be that way. Indeed it appears that at least in some parts the party is still going on.

At some point during our long drive back home Rebekah says to me, "This may seem stupid but there were times Saturday when I felt like I was sixteen again." But it's not stupid, because I felt the exact same way. At least for a day we had that same energy and excitement that only a group of friends who aren't afraid to love and support one another can provide. It was such an incredible high.

And I would be a totally rotten person if I don't manage to grasp at least a small part of that and bring it back home. "You don't know love, unless you show love." Love is really the key isn't it? It's the sign of a true Christian yet I don't see too often where I'm from. It's almost as if we have all resigned ourselves that that we will die for our brothers, yes if it got to that ultimate sacrafice, we would most assuredly show love for them . . . then and only then. It's a painful assessment.

But why wait until that off event happens? Isn't it easier to give someone a big hug? Isn't it easier to applaud hard and compliment and let someone know you appreciate them? At least that is my resolve. Yeah I'm in danger of looking like an absolute nutjob as I go around showing love to everybody. But I don't care. Too often I just mope around complaining about the area I'm living in and not doing a single thing to make it a better place.

"If everybody tried to brighten other people's eyes then they'd always surely shine."

So let me talk about the music at October Ridge . . . How absolutely incredible! Listening to all of it you just have to smile knowing that you won't be spending an eternity listening to King David plucking away on a harp. Everybody was brilliant and great big shining stars.

Rebekah and I played the songs we have been playing in the basement for a year (and in some cases longer). I was so nervous I played like gash, I conceed that point. Rebekah however was so spot on. Even songs that she has struggled through in the past she did perfect -- better than ever. After we did our thing everybody was so supportative of it and seemed like they really dug it. I'm happy about it and really encouraged to keep it up.

But in honesty we were the lesser of the talent there. I have to give special attention to Daytrip. On a music level they were so perfect. The sounds that they were producing were superhuman. If I could spend a day driving through an empty desert with Daytrip as my sound track I would be very happy.

Now I'm gonna gush about Pop Riveter and how they just may my favorite band at present (This decision is made easier since Throwing Muses are defunct.) I have never felt that much energy at a show in my entire life. It was just geniune j-o-y! Very few people can write happy songs without resorting to cliché. Pop Riveter may be one of the few. Pure bliss that was.

Yeah and I finally got to meet Hiromi and his wife Robbie. For two years I've been reading Hiromi's website since my wife found it in some random google search or something. It was so great getting to spend a little (too little) time with them Saturday morning. Last year we stayed with Reed and Janna. We had the opportunity to stay with them again but I inconvienced H and his wife for purely selfish motives to have the privalege of knowing them better. How incredible the hospitality they showed and what awesome people they are! I can't thank them enough for the bed and for the breakfast and for my first latte and for the conversation and for my awesome drawing of Dagon. Cheer.

I owe very deep thanks to many of my Northern Brothers and Sisters. In addition to assemblies and conventions I need to add a yearly visit to the cities to affirm my faith.

Oh yes it was a good day.

madison, wi

It's really, really early Saturday morning and I'm writing this from Madison, WI. My cold-flu-sinus-allergy-pnuemonia medicine combo had me up @ 5 am. I was feally really good so I took off running. I tried to do my 5 miles but at the 3 mile mark my throat and ear started hurting simueltaneously so I had to stop and walk back. I still did 5-miles but the last 2 were walking. I'm let down about that . . . but I'm recovering from a sick week (here's were I make excuses for myself). Also the only thing I have eaten in the last two days are 3 hershey's kisses, 3 mini-nestlé crunch bars, and an arby's roast beef sandwhich. Under 1000 calories in over 48 hours is pretty much not a good idea on a running schedule.

In a couple hours we will be leaving for music in Minnesota.

lethargic antihistimene haze

It's Friday morning and I'm so incredibly doped out of my mind. Yesterday my allergies or something hit me incredibly hard and now I'm in a lethargic antihistimene haze. Rebekah gave me a Claritan and that helped quite a bit, but in the meantime I'm just shaky and out of it. My sleep last night was in and out and off-time.

On the verge of passing out from exhaustian Rebekah and I finished our new song "Sarah S". The problem with new songs is that I'm incredibly fickle and inevitably I'll start loving the new song and hating the others. (Hate in the biblical sense of loving less.) Anyhow "Sarah S." was such a fun song to write. We kept coming up with really great lyrics that we had to dump in the process of keeping it clean. It's good and it's about a girl we knew who always had a guy on each arm and one in reserve.

I'm taking a half-day off and we are heading up to Minnesota, stopping over at Madison, WI tonight to see Amanda and rest at the half-way point.

Tomorrow we are playing October Ridge and I am really happy about that.

Sarah S

On account of an incredibly sore throat I've switched off to herbal tea for the duration of my sickness. It's been awhile since I've had tea due to trading over to coffee a couple years back. In that time I've forgot what a delight a good, hot cup of tea is.
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Rebekah and I are 95% done on a new song called "Sarah S", once again continuing with the girl theme. It's pretty breakneck and exhilirating writing a song, practicing two days, and then performing it live. I know Rebekah panics about that but I hope the audience will be very forgiving if we botch it up. It's with them in mind that we went back to the slate to crank out a new "uppity" song instead of settling for a poor fitting acoustic number or a 6a2 cover that sounds like gash with the synths removed.

Sonny Bono or Prince Valiant

Saturday I broke down and self-defeated I found myself sitting on a chair at the Regis salon. Rebekah had made an appoitment for herself and I tagged along for support. It was incredibly boring as Rebekah was getting the works (and since it's for our "band" through some weird accounting practice it's tax deductible) and I waited and finally decided to get my head chopped as well. Well it's a lotto draw on who I would get since I didn't have a hard-fast appoitment. But in settling for first available I got lucky and got the girl with pink hair and glasses. Score! We didn't use clippers but we did reel in my hair so I no longer look like Sonny Bono or Prince Valiant.

Sunday we went apple picking and picked about 8 apples. It's more of an experience than an actual need for apples that motivates us to go every year. And every year I make the same observation; there is an abnormal ratio of asian to caucasion in the orchard. It must be this weird cultural thing but they are usually dressed up. The ladies wear sundresses and the men wear slacks and button downs. It's got this paradise vibe. I looked down at my denim trousers and t-shirt and suddenly felt ashamed.

My marathon training began this morning, officially. And officially I ran three miles (39 minutes) and for the first time I wasn't tired. I was really bored but I wasn't struggling or hurting. This Saturday coming up is my first 6-mile run E-V-E-R. I'm going to be out of town so it should be odd.

So we should have a busy week. We need to get the car-washed, an oil-change, and an alignment. We need to practice and I need to write another song to keep us from dipping too far into the 6a2 bag when we perform this weekend. The comfirmed songs are: Caroline, Miko, Ana, and Katie. All are good, tight pop-rockers.

Library Fine

Our library system is absolutely hardcore! We received a form letter threatening arrest if I didn't return my library book that I've had out since . . . dunno . . . months ago. They said either pay for the book or else! The cost of the book is $10.99 which is cheaper than actually buying it from Amazon so I guess I'll go that route. After all, do you know what they do to people who don't return library books when they go to prison? Do ya?! That being said, it's a really, really good book about the London Plague and Fire.

Running Shorts

I just found out that there was no room in the half-marathon so Rebekah's father signed up for the full marathon. There are two bad scenarios that could happen: A.) He dies because he hasn't conditioned himself and rushed the training. B.) He finishes and steals my thunder. This kind of makes me angry. I've been working on this for most of 2004 and here he comes in at the zero hour and claims he is going to do it to. A half-marathon was a stretch but reasonable. A full marathon is suicide.

I should be working instead of writing this, I have so much to do. But it is Monday and the zeal just isn't there.

Also over the weekend we took Mina to get a hair cut at SuperCuts in the mall. I wandered in and sat down reading a dated issue of CosmoGirl while I waited. This large beautician ambles over to me and says, "Sir, are you waiting for a hair cut? I can take you now." I replied, "No." She looked at my mop-top and says, "Are you sure?". I really need to get my hair cut but I feel like it'll rob me of my power much like Samson. I dunno. I'm at the breaking point where I'll either stick it out or cave in.

I also finally got my running underwear which I bought a size too small. I wanted to take them back but once you try them on you're stuck with them. But I wasn't gonna let the money go to waste so I wore them anyway for my run this morning. I'll let you write your own punchline as to the obvious results.

Rebekah and I are playing music together in the off-chance I can get Paro to give us a small slot at October Ridge. If anyone knows him please put in a good word. Not so much because you want to hear our unique brand of indie-pop but because you want us to stay together as a couple by making and playing music together.

Loco

Part of my job is meeting with salespeople from time to time. Usually they are completely polished and professional. Well the other day I agreed (somehow) to meet with two guys from a company called ChemSafe or ChemSearch or something. It's this old guy (Mr. Burns old) and some young bald dude.

I take them into our conference room and we sit down. The old guy is completely clueless and reminds me of the lackluster sales guy, Gil, from the Simpsons. He starts asking me what I like to do in my spare time. I say that I don't really have spare time, that I'm very busy with work, hoping he'll get to the point. He looks at me blankly. His young assistant just keeps scanning the room nervously.

Gil, I'll call him that, pulls out a pocket knife. His hands are shaking as he tries to pull out the blade as I tried to estimate my escape route. He hands me the knife and says, "I wanted you to have this." I take it and say, "Thanks."

Well then he launches into his sales pitch which is just a string of completely random items followed by an elaborate demonstration. Hand cleaner, windshield de-icer, lubricating oil, and wasp and hornet killer. By the time he got to the wasp and hornet spray I have expected him to release killer bees to demonstrate the unholy killing power of his product.

I didn't buy anything and ended the conversation by asking, "Are you guys local?"

The young guys replies, all smiles, "YES WE'RE CRAZY!!"

I give him this puzzled look as I once again plan my escape. "Excuse me." I say.

The young guys says, "YEH, WE'RE COMPLETELY LOCO." and with that they packed up and left . . .

3 Chocolate-Banana Milk Shakes

Best Waste Of 9 Bucks: 3 chocolate-banana milk shakes from Steak N' Shake.

Worst Waste of 9 Bucks: The Polyphonic Spree CD is just terrible. It's a choral group without that which makes a good choral group - harmony. There seems to be a million instruments in the band but on the album you are lucky to hear two or three. The lead is off-tune and horrible. But the robes are nice.

On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on . . .

So my 3-day weekend came just in time to keep me sane. We had a brief trip to see my parents until Mina got frighteningly sick so we came home and she recovered back to normal sick.

Sometime over the last week I figured out the end to my novel. My first novel. The one that I had finished. It never really seemed cohesive. Well I sussed out the appropriate ending and once it is in place I can rewrite the thing toward the new ending. Bits of the story was already leading to the conclusion but I was holding back, plotting for a sequel I'm never gonna write or something. So I'm going back and putting in the happy ending where all the characters get what they want although none would have chosen for it to happen the way it happened. I hate to working on that novel again when I'm more than ready to go on with my second but . . . y'know.

Schools Out

So I've been thinking of politics lately. I don't know if in the past I just wasn't aware of it as much but it seems to be ever present this time around. I can't listen to radio or watch TV without being urged to vote. I can't even walk the street without having voter registration clipboards thrust at me.

I was reading about a religious conference that was held where the interfaith attendees weighed heavily on the question, "Who would Jesus vote for?". The decision was a split one. "He would either vote Democratic or Rebulican" the shrewd counsel surmised. Afterall Jesus loved the poor and afflicted so he would vote Democratic. At the same time Jesus had high morals so he would vote Republican. I wonder if the notion that Jesus would have exercised his right not to vote ever came up . . . at all . . . maybe . . . just one dissenting voice . . . anyone?

Everything I know about politics has come recently from a children's book on U.S. Presidents that we bought for Mina. For some reason she has really been interested in George Washington, FDR, and George "The Dad" Bush. I particularly enjoyed reading about the development of the U.S.'s two party system. In the beginning the founders of the U.S.A. were against the idea of political parties reasoning that individual difference of opinion would keep everybody in check. Advocates of parties eventually won out and party lines were drawn on the heated subject of slavery. Republicans were against slavery and Democrats were either for it or apathetic toward it.

Schools out.


I ran last night at 8:00 pm. The late night run is unusual as I usually try to do it at the crack of dawn. (I overslept from sweet joy of work hassels fading away.) My running seems to have inpsired my father-in-law to give it a shot. He wants to attempt a half-marathon. That's fine. But now my mother-in-law is starting too. It's enough to make me want to totally give up. She has a ton of made up ailments which running will surely highten. She'll be laid up for weeks and we'll all have to suffer through her war stories. She's such a killjoy.

a zillion misc. thoughts

Here's a zillion misc. thoughts:

One thing that I know for sure is that margaritas on your lunch break is never a good idea, especially when mixed with questionable Messican food. I was sick for two days and it went way beyond the typical. Uggg. I'm going dry and avoiding South of the Border cuisine like the plague.

We ditched Mina on Friday and went to the book store. I was still sick and spent much time contemplating making a #2 in a public restroom which is never a good idea and always a last resort.

We picked up "The Official Scrabble Players Dictionary" which is not really official come to find out. You can't use it for tournament play but it's great for JW play. There's no profanity in it. But the dictionary is dangerous because it validates archaic misspellings of words. For instance "chetah" is a perfect alternative to "cheetah".

I love beehive hair-do's. A young teenage boy in our hall just got a perm. My hair is really, really bad right now. I look like the lost beetle. I take that back. With my uni-brow and beetle do, I look like Oasis.

My running program is the only thing keeping me from having an eating disorder. I need food to run. Unfortunately.
I spent $23 dollars on cookies. We ended up giving some away to Rebekah's mom just do get them out of the house.

Mina is rebelling. She just said that she liked the band Yellowcard. Arrgg. (By the way "Arrgg" is Scrabble legal along with "Arrrggg" and "Arrrrggg".)

I need to go to bed.

tah.

T.

on the verge of collapse

Last night at the BS, Jason was talking about turning 29. I asked him how he felt about it. He said that he had never felt better in his life.

How sad then that everyday I feel like I am dying. I can't put my finger on it. I don't know if I'm depressed, or sick, or aging or what. Everyday I wade through the day and then get home and feel on the verge of collapse.

dreck and qat

Saturday night we went out to eat with inlaws and the came back to the house for a game of Scrabble. I came in second. I should've won but my words didn't appear in the moldy old dictionary we had laying around. I lost to two seperate challenges for the words "dreck" and "qat". Poop.

Sunday we went to the City Museum. It's a cross between a playground and a giant found art project. It's insane in scope and execution and there is room to grow. We were climbing five stories up in the fuselage of a plane before sliding down a three story slide. They are planning a ten story slide that will start at the top of the building and spiral down to the man-made "caves" in the basement. I also like how the place is semi-dangerous, harkening back to the time when the line between playground equipment and midieval torture device was blurred. Thumbs up. It's expensive but definately worth checking out.

Hot-or-Not?

Last night I was lamenting how my name isn't sexy. Then Rebekah pointed out that an old flame of mine used to pronounce my name as Aunthony. Perhaps an attempt to imbue it with sexiness that didn't exist?

Also last night I went to a business networking dinner type of thing that was being serviced by a cajun restaraunt. I walked in and was greeted with mounds of stinking crawdads, all bug-eyed. The alligator sausage at least was tasty.

Later last night we watched Word Wars. The documentary was about tournament level Scrabble players. I love Scrabble but these guys just about zapped the joy right out of it. The doc focused on the weird/strange/creepy/geeky players. I couldn't help but to wonder if there were normal players (albeit less interesting) participants hanging out just outside of camera range. The filmmakers had a very superior attitude to the people within it. It works for a Christopher Guest Mockumentary but for a legitimant documentary it feels too much like grade school finger pointing and name calling.

And even later last night I dreamed I killed a guy by slamming his head in a door, continuously.

360

Hello. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is 360. We may have to be indentified by our social numbers but we still rely on nicknames to ease things up. I wanted to use 720 but it was taken by an in/famous pornstar. Someone I definately didn't want to be associated with. 360. One revolution.

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My run today was laboured because I was choking on humidity and soot. An area boardinghouse burned to the ground. So far there is one confirmed death. A fat guy couldn't squeeze out the window to escape so he burned to death. (An incentative to lose weight for those of us still living.) They don't know if there were any other deaths because the place was the kind of place strangers could rent by the week and come and go. Some of these people are probably rejoicing that they can pretend to be dead and pick up again with a new name. No debt. No criminal history.

They haven't ruled out a meth-lab explosion. It wouldn't be the first time a bathtub drug lab blew up a house in our neighborhood.

The police raised an eyebrow when I ran through the "POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS", arms raised, just like Bruce Jenner at the finish line.

Cold, chilly, frigid

It's August and it is down-right cold, chilly, frigid.

So we had a more or less busy weekend. We ate at Nobu's, Steak-N-Sheak, Tequila. We fixed some awesome 5-cheese tortellini that Amanda brought us and I topped it with a quick and easy, semi-homemade sauce.

After knocking the summer olympics early this week I now find myself totally enthralled with them. Now one thing abundantly clear, I really want one of those form fitting, full body swimsuits. There is a water slide at Walt Disney World's Blizzard Beach where it's possible to reach a speed of 60 mph. And that's in baggy swim trunks. Can you imagine what one of those shark-skinned swimming outfits would bump that up to?

I played tennis last night and was sooooo rusty. I kept trying to hit home runs or something. It's really a blow to the self-esteem sometimes. I should've went running instead.

Brisk, cool, and verty autumn like.

The weather here is brisk, cool and very autumn like. It is wonderful.

Superstar

Surf-N-Turf. So yesterday I grilled steak and salmon which was kind of an unsual dinner for us. What can I say? It was bland. The internet was down so I couldn't find any good marinades. Bleh.

I finally managed to locate a copy of Todd Hayne's Superstar; The Karen Carpenter Story. I was hoping to burn it to DVD but it is in some wacky MPEG-2 format that iDVD bawks at. I've got it downloaded to my work computer. I guess I have to watch it on my lunch hour sometime.

Last night I dreamed that I knocked on a door and inside was Johnny Depp dressed up like Libertine. He attempted to scare me and then kiss me.

Marvy ... Absolutely Marvy

Rebekah and I went record shopping. Specifically she went and I tagged along. She was really jazzed about this place because she is into old records and it is absolutely massive. I think it used to be a library that was gutted and lined with record shelves stacked on top of record shelves.

So I nosed around and found some cheap ($1.00) copies of all the Carpenter's albums because they have some absolutely wonderful songs and I'm too cheap to buy a greatest hits CD for twenty-bucks. (I'm really hoping to catch that 70's AM radio feel someday.)

I also dug out Nancy Sinatra's "How Does That Grab You?" because of the song "Bang Bang" that I'm in love with. It was a wee bit pricey ($8.00) but that is a awesome song and the album cover is the best ever. Also the text on the back reads like a Japanese person with a penchant for 60's slang:

How does that grab you? Asks Nancy. It grabs us good, says all the people. Lovey tunes and marvy melodies, all them gravid with meaning. All of them sung by the niceness of Nancy. All of them like to mess your head forevermore.

Let God be found true

When the Internet was first taking off I thought it was awesome how instantly you had all this information immediately accessible on any subject. I loved the Web and still do. I would glady give up TV before I would disconnect my cable modem.

But lately I've really been wondering about all this information and how it really blurs the line of truth. So you research a subject you'll be confronted with several contrary sources of information. Each one seemingly valid. Each one sincere.

You are forced to pick a belief and at the same time you can never be fully confident in it. On the Internet even readily established "facts" cannot stand up.

As long as you are "open-minded" you can never believe that there is such thing as truth. Everything is a leap of faith.

The easiest route is go with the flow of majority opinion. Perhaps the best is to be adamantly ignorant.

I expect that everything we know is riddled with inaccuracies and falsehoods. History. Science. Religion. Medicine. Government.

Can we take any of it at face value?

The only thing I believe these days is the Bible. If I'm going to put forth a leap of faith in something I might as well go for the one with the biggest payoff.

"Let God be found true, though EVERY man be found a liar"

Be prepared to one day wake up and discover that you've been wrong.

Grocery Store

First off I created a seperate blog so I can track my running progress and not bore the two or three people that read this.

Perhaps I need to also create a seperate blog to hold my numerous rants at my local grocery store. I'm starting to rearrange my diet to be heavy on the carbs. This includes a lot of pasta. It never fails that my grocery store doesn't carry the pasta I need for the recipes! Last night we tried to grab orzo. Nope. They have ninja turtle pasta but not orzo, they have alphabet but not campanelle. I HATE Shop-N-Save. They've got a whole isle of frozen pizzas but nothing else.

I'm becoming increasingly aware of the need to start managing my work and home time better. There is stuff that I want to get done in both arenas that I'm missing out on.

Sun Dried Tomato Sauce

On Friday I made Spaghetti with Creamy, Sun Dried Tomato Sauce. I substituted pancetta bacon for regular bacon and added a little olive oil to make up for the reduced amount of bacon fat. It was actually pretty good and scrumptious. Next time I'll chop the tomatoes more finely and add some mushrooms.

We went school shopping for Miss MIna, supplies and clothes. We still have some items to get - two boxes 24 color crayons, one pair new balance sneakers, etc. Rebekah disagrees with me but I would much prefer school uniforms.

I'm in love with our new song, "Felicia". I love making music (./period)

The Value of Art

The only real value of art is decoration.

Not Voting

Not voting is a valid political response to a lack of valid choices.

Social Security

Yesterday I got my Social Security statement in the mail. I particularly enjoyed how for every dollar that is automatically deducted from my paycheck at the time of my retirement at age 67 I can expect to receive 73 cents in return. 73 per dollar which inflation will render useless. I really wish there were other retirement plan options besides bankrupted social security.

Rebekah and I worked on a song last night. It was a nice little acoustic number with violin (synth-violin) flourishes and a temporary bossa nova beat. The Owls have totally got me into acoustic guitar again. When I recorded Emily & Jessica I was downed the acoustic guitar but on second listen it works better than electric. But not now. Not now

27

I've really been down since last night when it occured to me that I am 27 years old. That may sound silly but I kind of repress the notion of my age in attempt to cover the pain. However for some reason I was thinking about the marathon and how it would be cool that I ran 26 miles while being 26. Then I realised that I wasn't 26, but 27. Furthermore, I realised that when I run the race I won't even be 27, but 28. So this was a downward spiral of self-hate.

I'm frustrated with my grocery store. Yesterday I was craving pasta and had this really great recipe for a dish only to go shopping and the store didn't have key ingredients. So I ended up grabbing a jar of spaghetti sauce and some noodles. Not very good. Especially when I was wanting a cream sauce with sun dried tomatoes and pancetta bacon.

I'm frustrated with everything right now. The only bright spot is pop music.

I'm sorry this is all venom and vile. Hopefully I'll have something positive for next time.

One Mile

One mile.

Today I managed to haul myself out of bed and renew my running routine. I expected the worse. I expected that I would set out and it would be like starting all over again. I expected that I would be huffing and puffing my the end of the block. My expectations were wrong.

For the first time I ever I ran a mile straight through without having to drop to the occasional walk to catch my breath or rest. When I started running that was my goal. So I feel really good about that.

The plan now is to spend August running 4 days a week, 3 miles a day (total 12 miles a week). The goal is to get where I can run the three miles without stopping, even if I'm at a slow pace.

September I start my marathon training. My sister sent me a book The Non Runner's Marathon Trainer. I started reading it last night to try to gain some motivation and found that it was actually a pretty good book that fit my goals. That is to simply finish the race no matter what place that finish is in. My race is January 9, 2005.

So that is one month of warm up and four months training and then death before dishonor. Rah! Bring on the carbs!

DC

It's Sunday and it took long enough but I finally got that warm, fuzzy District Convention feeling. (BTW, I'm probably going to talk at liberty about program so if you haven't been and want to be surprised skip this.) So it happened, you are sitting around and looking at everybody and you think, "Wow, this is worth it." The DC always sets the bar so high. The best polished examples are paraded about. Perhaps unattainable but even if you can't get there hopefully you improve somewhat in the effort.

It was interesting just how much focus was spent on the foreign language aspect of our ministry. Our religion has always had a multilingual thrust but now it has come home. The US is the second biggest spanish speaking group of Witnesses. So many of the new congregations being formed are spanish. Not to mention the other languages that are in our territory.

The drama was really good in that b-movie sort of way. It was corny; but, entertaining. You learn new stuff. Like when you heal somebody with holy spirit it makes the same "twinkle" sound as when Samantha from Bewitched works her magic. But nothing beat the exorcist girl. She slid onto the stage like night of the living dead and then demon voice called out like some cheesy horror flick. I nearly fell out of my seat I was so beside myself with surprise and delight. Another funny moment was when Paul pulled out a new put down that I'll have to use, "You son of a devil."

I was also happy that they slammed all this carb counting nonsense.

Saturday night we went to the see the Owls play. It was in this tiny little bar that seemed to have a lot of greaser/rockabilly types hanging about. The Owls were great. Allison sounded like Jenny Toomey. Bryan sounded like Davy Jones. All together they were a much improved version of Call and Response. Beautiful music and great friendly people. And even though we didn't wear our badge cards Rebekah did a little informal witnessing with the band. So going to see a concert on district convention weekend wasn't a total religious copout.

Today Bill and Cindy came for a makeup day and we went out to eat with them. They are just so enjoyable and really good people.

Tomorrow is . . . work.

The Invention of the Century

So I was pretty down but then I read the most wonderful news ever. That's right Krispy Kreme has unveiled a glazed donut drink. Incredible. Forget what I said about the space elevator, iPod, and Segway. Hands down, this is THE invention of the century.
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Also, all of my dad's organ donors fell through so now he goes on the transplant list. And I'm really at a loss as to whether or not I should offer mine. It's not cut and dry and pretty complicated. When he had all his brothers and sisters offering it was good because that relieved me of any presumed responsability. Now that those won't work out I'm left holding the bag. I wish I knew my blood type. 'Cause if it isn't O then I don't have to worry. If I do have O then I have a pretty rough decision to make. The weird part is that I would rather be an anonymous donor. My relationship with my father is pretty -strange- so I'd feel really queer about offering. I dunno. I probably wouldn't pass the physco profiling anyway.
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I caught a whiff of chlorine and really wanted to go swimming.

Hair

It's the hottest week of the year and Murphy's Law has rendered our car A/C down for the count. We've ordered o-rings to fix it but the $20,000 question is will they be delivered in time for the District Convention. I guess not. We will be melting in the sun while we wait the hour to get out of the parking lot at the end of each day. Misery. So if you see me sneaking out during the concluding song and prayer please note that I'm not a bad guy ---> I'm just a poor soul without AC wanting to get a jump on the parking situation.

Work has been dragging to match the rest of my life. The summer is flying by at the same time that my life has got me in a wheel. I'm going through the motions. The good is that I've finally got the backup software and tape drives working. I just have to remember to switch out the tapes every morning. The bad is that I've haven't been able to wake up to run.

I have a hair appointment tonight. It was kind of forced upon by the aforementioned DC. I prewarned the beautician that she had better book some time to work with me. She asked did I have an inch and a half of growth? I said expect the worse. You see, I was trying to be a rock star and the results are disasterous.

The bad thing about where I get my hair cut: It's really, simply just a matter of convienence. It's so easy, just a couple blocks from house but they only know how to give hoosier hair cuts. "Ask about our mullet specials!". It's really that bad. So bad that the gay hair stylist had to leave. But I keep on going there because I'm too lazy to find something out. Forever stuck in a rut.

"That's the story of my life, listen close I'll tell it twice

Dogge

And even now I have mixed feelings for the first ten years of my life. I am naturally sickened that these were spent at the end of menancing chain and I feel a natural revulsion as I remember eating rancid scraps off a dirt floor while being kicked and choked. But I also feel blessed, and I say this with no massochism. Any child born, especially back then, was fortunate to see their first birthday and I saw ten. Ten years. And that is where the mixed feelings come in. Because, as I see it, even life at its most rotten and horrible, is still life. A year spent living as a dogge is still a year spent.

I spent ten years being groomed. No, not brushed and powdered and tied with a bow because I knew of no such kindness or luxory. I spent ten years being trained. I was not taught any tricks or shown how to drag a fox out of hole. I was being shaped and molded because bigger things were to be thrown at me. The random spinnings would propel me toward the real revelation.

Log Rolling

I have a new hero, Darren Hudson from Nova Scotia. I watched him kick, spin, and balance his way to the silver medal in the ESPN Great Outdoor Games log rolling competition this weekend. Darren won me over because he was just so hyped up on log-rolling, "this is the most perfect sport ever" he proclaimed without any hint of irony. He comes from a long line of log rollers and believes that his family "indwells [sic] within him the spirit of the game". When he wasn't rolling or talking he was bouncing around on the platform, somewhere between ADD and strung out on cocaine. If log-rolling ever becomes a huge sport, Darren will be the first to land a Nike contract.

The ESPN GO games was an iteresting Sunday diversion while we were up in Madison, WI. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, and almost as much as my Chipoltle burrito. While I share no dream that I'll ever see lumberjack sports in the St. Louis, I still have my fingers crossed that a Chipoltle francise will move in.

magarita

The paper cut on my pinky is killing me and this week is dragging on. Nothing like a coming off of a three-day weekend and struggling with the shortened work week. But I just ordered a pair of shoes so I'm perfectly positive Rebekah will be kicking my butt when I get I home -- hard. I was just simply inspired by a gift my sister got me (and there is nothing like throwing away money to raise one's spirits for at least an hour or two.) We are going to Madison, WI this weekend to eat cheese curds and watch lumberjacks toss logs and maybe (hopefully) drink some margaritas. My Friday ritual is fajitas and a margarita so big I could drown in it. My new hair got me some pretty cross looks at the Hall last night. It's still at the awkward growing out phase until I can get it cut right and proper. I really don't know what I want to do with up but I'm can say that I'm so unbelievably done with the late 90's "Friends" look but I'm not quite sold on the unkempt indie look. And I've been spending quality time with my daughter. We have this new game called "hooding" where she tries to suffocate me by draping a blanket on my head and sitting it while I try to watch TV. I'm raising a killer.

Wiggle Your Toe

Last night we had some pretty bad storms right at sunset. When it was happening the sky was glowing bright orange and being lit by multiple lightnings. It was cool to say the least.

I'm pretty enamored by Loretta Lynn's album Van Lear Rose. In case you haven't heard about it, it was produced by Jack White from the White Stripes - an interesting selling point. Rebekah dismisses it as too country but I'm really digging it. It seems to me to be punk-country. It has all the elements of good old country but with a dirty DIY, spitting and kicking spirit to it. My favorite song is Portland, Oregon, a duet sung by Loretta and Jack. The first line of the song goes, "Well Portland, Oregon and slow gin fizz, if that ain't love then tell me what is. uh-huh."

I saw Spider-Man 2. It had its entertaining moments, mainly the fight scenes and every scene where Peter Parker was being humiliated and kicked around. The movie suffered from the cheesy comic-book dialog. "Go get 'em Tiger" may be OK on a comic page but on screen it is a real groaner. And the popcorn sucked miserably.

I've actually made a good start on my second novel. I'm making it a point not to get too hung up on details. At the time I'm really just painting in broad strokes until I can flesh it out later. The amount of research needed is staggering. For instance which dog breeds were popular in England in the 1800's? Which were rare? Which were not around? But it's all coming together in my head nicely. It's nothing new. More of a reworking of various sources with my own slant thrown in to make it original or at least different.

And I can't help but to ask myself, "What's next?" After I write this novel, "What's Next?" I'm kicking around the idea of the ante-diluvian sci-fi novel. But that may be treading on too sacred of ground. First things first.

Now wiggle your toe.

Three Day

The past few days I've been dreaming of Stuart from Belle and Sebastian. Last night we exchanged religious literature.

I've decided to take the three day weekend and just stay home. With my increased work hours I need the time to just get caught up around the house and relax. That being said I need to avoid video games like a virus.

I've been having the most wonderful ideas about my next novel. It's all coming together in my head masterfully. I don't think it's at all cocky, but I know it will be so good. And I'm excited. It's a big sweeping historical novel told from an usual perspective. It's Dickens. It's Chaucer. It's Pepys.

arrrrrrg

My hair is unnaturally shaggy as I move from Queer Eye to Indie. I have to keep resisting the urge to get it cut.

I went for a super-long bike ride on Sunday with some of the younger kids from the hall. Edwardsville, IL has bike paths honeycombed all over it, most I had no idea existed. It was a fun cross-train and a break from running while strengthing some extra muscles and such.

I might have an empty 3-day weekend coming up and I'm trying to figure out what we are going to do, Madison, WI or Minneapolis, MN probably. It still has to be determined.

After a long period of time I've decided to seek representation for my novel. I guess I figure I might as well throw it out there and see if someone'll find it a home. I'm staring at an unfinished query letter. These things are ridiculously hard to write. HELP!

I'm leaving work early today. I can't take it any longer. I'll quote Charlie Brown, 'ARRRRRRRRG"

super baby

Most of the time the news just irritates and frustrates me but this week it has been entertaining.

Mary Kate Olsen has an eating disorder. No comment.

The first non-governmental space flight. It's so sci-fi that it is cool.

The german super baby. Did you hear about that one? It's incredibly X-Men. A baby was born with a mutation that has doubled his muscle mass and given him super strength. This had better not be a hoax because it is the coolest thing I've heard about in a long, long time.

It's all fluff news but I'm sick and tired and bored and disgusted with the Iraq thing. I enjoyed hearing about something else for a change.

old friends

We went to Southern Illinois over the weekend to see old friends, Casey and Robyn. They're moving to Florida on Tuesday and they have been trying to get us to visit for a long, long time. This was a last ditch opportunity so we relented and went.
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So we went to see Casey and Robyn but ended up staying with Bill & Cindy. Presumably because I fell asleep at their place Saturday night. It was all for the better, because Casey and Robyn are good in very small doses. They're one of those couples that are constantly bickering and fighting and making everyone uneasy. And when they're not fighting they're hugging and kissing and making everyone uneasy. That is to say they are really emotional.
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Going to Bill's is always comfortable because, well, because you basically just sit around drink beer and play video games. The same thing we've been doing for years. Nothing like beer and mario kart for a relaxing evening.

saturated

Well the family is back and I'm trying to spend time doing stuff with Mina. Important bonding activities like sword fighting. I have a fantasy that when she grows up she'll be a member of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad or something. It's important to have goals, y'know. And speaking of swords, Troy, our demolition manager, was doing work at an old store and found a lightsaber circa 1980, pristine with price tags, that got lost behind a shelf. He's giving it to me ---> geek, yes. ---> sweet, oh yea.
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I ran today and the world was so saturated it was unreal. It was like the colors had been turned up until they were bleeding into each other.
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I feel something.

weird, eventful week

The weekend capped off a rather weird, eventful week. I don't want to talk much about it.

I did go bowling Saturday night for the first time in . . . 10 years? Probably not that long. But I went to the college after being invited by some from the congregation. I bowled two poor games and then retreated to Dance, Dance, Revolution. My moves are stiff and unpurposed but I managed to beat the beginner's mode while I sweated off some pounds.

secretly suspect

Can I explain this? I feel dangerous . . .

It's all lucid.

Today was pretty productive.

I feel ambitious.

I feel young. I'm not.

I fed the fish.

I washed the dishes.

I read portions of my novel. (I love it, flaws and all).

I'm eating good. I'm running.

Oh yes, I'm running and I'll steal from myself and say this:

"Am I running towards something, or away from something?"

I'm drinking wheat beer with lemon.

I'm secretly suspect.

I'm dangerous.


Melissa Auf der Maur playing. It wasn't because the music was particularly good but it just seemed like a return to the kind of music I used to enjoy. Do you remember the whole Women in Rock trend? You had the Breeders, Juliana Hatfield, Hole, Veruca Salt, Belly, Throwing Muses etc. Over the last few years radio rock has been pretty male. All agression and jumping around the stage. Just so much overboard theatrics. Auf der Maur was still rock and somewhat spectacle (How can you not be when you look like Melissa.) but at the same time they reminded me of the 90's. I'm so old that I'm looking back at the good ole' days of music. Pathetic.

Rebekah is in Florida right now so my house is empty. But y'know something. I like it. I love it. I'm better off alone. Give me solitary confinement. It's sad.